Hello, this is my first time posting on a site like this. I actually created my account a month ago but it has taken me this long to actually post something.
My wife and I have been in a relationship living together for 5 and a half years, married for 1 and a half. We met in college and have always been "that couple" we had the fairy tale wedding and from all outside perspectives are doing very well. We have over the years both struggled with depression and our "spark" has dwindled. I recently got a new job and things are looking up, I started to try to work on myself and have tried to learn to be a better husband and learn how to be in a positive loving marriage and grow with my wife. Unfortunately my wife is still struggling, now worse than ever... and last night had the talk with me that she isn't happy in our marriage.
The tough part for me is that I am happy in our marriage, we have good communication, a beautiful home, good family and friends, we don't have any money or health issues and never have any fights or struggles. The biggest thing missing is the "spark" which I still feel but she doesn't. I think it is due to her own depression, but she thinks it is due to the marriage.
I have asked her to seek counseling on her own but she refuses, saying she doesn't need counseling. When I suggested that we go to couples counseling she said "I saw my parents go to counseling and then get divorced, I am afraid that the counselor is going to say we should part ways because (me) am so much better and (her) is a lost cause that doesn't deserve you."
This was the first time that I had ever heard her say that she thinks her unhappiness is related to our marriage and it broke my heart. I love her so much and would kiss her and dote upon her all the time if she let me, I have wanted to go to dance classes with her, do new things she is interested in, read books she likes. But for some reason when I give her affection or put effort into the relationship she turns it away because it makes her feel guilty that she is a bad partner or that she is obligated to be in the relationship with me. I think she struggles with entitlement and feels like she shouldn't need to work at having a happy relationship.
I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist but am not sure if she will go with me. I have told her that I am here to listen and will do anything for our relationship. I just don't know what else to do.
I wanted to hear peoples advice and any success stories from a similar scenario, I need some support right now and unfortunately struggle to get it from my family and previously my wife was my main support structure.
My wife and I have been in a relationship living together for 5 and a half years, married for 1 and a half. We met in college and have always been "that couple" we had the fairy tale wedding and from all outside perspectives are doing very well. We have over the years both struggled with depression and our "spark" has dwindled. I recently got a new job and things are looking up, I started to try to work on myself and have tried to learn to be a better husband and learn how to be in a positive loving marriage and grow with my wife. Unfortunately my wife is still struggling, now worse than ever... and last night had the talk with me that she isn't happy in our marriage.
The tough part for me is that I am happy in our marriage, we have good communication, a beautiful home, good family and friends, we don't have any money or health issues and never have any fights or struggles. The biggest thing missing is the "spark" which I still feel but she doesn't. I think it is due to her own depression, but she thinks it is due to the marriage.
I have asked her to seek counseling on her own but she refuses, saying she doesn't need counseling. When I suggested that we go to couples counseling she said "I saw my parents go to counseling and then get divorced, I am afraid that the counselor is going to say we should part ways because (me) am so much better and (her) is a lost cause that doesn't deserve you."
This was the first time that I had ever heard her say that she thinks her unhappiness is related to our marriage and it broke my heart. I love her so much and would kiss her and dote upon her all the time if she let me, I have wanted to go to dance classes with her, do new things she is interested in, read books she likes. But for some reason when I give her affection or put effort into the relationship she turns it away because it makes her feel guilty that she is a bad partner or that she is obligated to be in the relationship with me. I think she struggles with entitlement and feels like she shouldn't need to work at having a happy relationship.
I have scheduled an appointment with a therapist but am not sure if she will go with me. I have told her that I am here to listen and will do anything for our relationship. I just don't know what else to do.
I wanted to hear peoples advice and any success stories from a similar scenario, I need some support right now and unfortunately struggle to get it from my family and previously my wife was my main support structure.
Put the internet to work for you.
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