Hi, first post in this section. Been married 20 years, relationship has been getting progressively worse on my end for the last ten years because I feel very taken for granted and neglected, and just earlier this month, there were several straws that broke the camel's back which finally irked me so badly that it's served as something of a wake up call for her - when she realized I was actually thinking of leaving, she has made some attempts (in my mind rather feeble attempts, but attempts nonetheless) to change.
Our sex life from the get-go was extraordinary and extremely kinky - really wonderful stuff. It gradually dwindled as I would've expected, went through a period for a couple of years where it was dang near dead, then in 2011 and early 2012 we ramped it up and honestly we were having the best sex of our lives, it was amazing and I couldn't believe how great it was. That died out rather rapidly mid-year and through 2013 became less-and-less frequent, then on Easter weekend of 2013 she got religion, literally, and virtually all the wonderful kinky sex we'd had forever came almost to a complete shutdown. Since then, sex has been pretty dull and down to two or three times a month, we've talked about it a lot, and she tells me she feels guilty about most of the stuff we've done and while she enjoyed it, she doesn't think she wants to do much of that anymore (we were always monogamous, no orgies or anything). We have toy boxes bigger than Toys R Us, and now it's all going to was te.
Fast forward a bit, we've had bigger issues outside the bedroom. She hasn't had an affair or anything, but there's been a long-term pattern of events where she's done things behind my back, simply tuned me out over-and-over again, and generally just made me feel like an old brown shoe (there's another thread on that in the general stuff section). Two weeks ago, right before things blew up, we last had sex and typically, it wasn't going too well - I spent an hour doing all sorts of fun things to her with a couple of toys (highly recommend that Hitachi Magic Wand if you don't have one) and she had three orgasms and finally reached her "no more, please!" point. Before and during the early parts of that sex session, I'd told her I wanted her to give me a BJ at the end because it's just been a long time since that's happened and I wanted one. She was all "oh yes, absolutely", and once she was finished with her third and we knew we were running out of time before our teenage da ughter returned home, I expected to get my BJ. I was surprised when she had apparently forgotten about that and just basically assumed the "do me" position. I reminded her, and she then said could we do that next time instead. I got irritated and just put my clothes back on and that was the end of that. I cannot tell you how many times in the last couple of years she's just been so sexually lazy she just lays there, not doing much of anything, then when she does it's always because I've asked her to, and even then, half the time she performs the act as though I'd asked her to donate a kidney.
Well, now she's made minor efforts (very minor) to start trying to repair our marriage, but I don't feel she's doing very much. Quite honestly, my sex drive right now is non-existent, which is extremely strange for me. My wife is very attractive, I still love her, but I just don't trust her and I don't think she's putting much thought into our relationship now (which has been the major problem the last ten years anyway). She suggested last night that we fool around, and I just couldn't do it - I feel very distant from her right now and I just don't think about having sex.
Am I in the wrong here? I'm not trying to hold out on sex to punish her or anything like that, it's just that she's continuously crushed me down for the last few years, our sex life was already suffering, and I just don't have any interest right now. In fact, I was trying to get myself "in the mood" last night thinking of all the great times we've had in the past and those thoughts just kept getting pushed out by the more recent train wreck sex sessions we've had in the last couple years.
Never been here before and I have no idea what to do about it. Any suggestions would be most appreciated - thanks all. :confused:
Our sex life from the get-go was extraordinary and extremely kinky - really wonderful stuff. It gradually dwindled as I would've expected, went through a period for a couple of years where it was dang near dead, then in 2011 and early 2012 we ramped it up and honestly we were having the best sex of our lives, it was amazing and I couldn't believe how great it was. That died out rather rapidly mid-year and through 2013 became less-and-less frequent, then on Easter weekend of 2013 she got religion, literally, and virtually all the wonderful kinky sex we'd had forever came almost to a complete shutdown. Since then, sex has been pretty dull and down to two or three times a month, we've talked about it a lot, and she tells me she feels guilty about most of the stuff we've done and while she enjoyed it, she doesn't think she wants to do much of that anymore (we were always monogamous, no orgies or anything). We have toy boxes bigger than Toys R Us, and now it's all going to was te.
Fast forward a bit, we've had bigger issues outside the bedroom. She hasn't had an affair or anything, but there's been a long-term pattern of events where she's done things behind my back, simply tuned me out over-and-over again, and generally just made me feel like an old brown shoe (there's another thread on that in the general stuff section). Two weeks ago, right before things blew up, we last had sex and typically, it wasn't going too well - I spent an hour doing all sorts of fun things to her with a couple of toys (highly recommend that Hitachi Magic Wand if you don't have one) and she had three orgasms and finally reached her "no more, please!" point. Before and during the early parts of that sex session, I'd told her I wanted her to give me a BJ at the end because it's just been a long time since that's happened and I wanted one. She was all "oh yes, absolutely", and once she was finished with her third and we knew we were running out of time before our teenage da ughter returned home, I expected to get my BJ. I was surprised when she had apparently forgotten about that and just basically assumed the "do me" position. I reminded her, and she then said could we do that next time instead. I got irritated and just put my clothes back on and that was the end of that. I cannot tell you how many times in the last couple of years she's just been so sexually lazy she just lays there, not doing much of anything, then when she does it's always because I've asked her to, and even then, half the time she performs the act as though I'd asked her to donate a kidney.
Well, now she's made minor efforts (very minor) to start trying to repair our marriage, but I don't feel she's doing very much. Quite honestly, my sex drive right now is non-existent, which is extremely strange for me. My wife is very attractive, I still love her, but I just don't trust her and I don't think she's putting much thought into our relationship now (which has been the major problem the last ten years anyway). She suggested last night that we fool around, and I just couldn't do it - I feel very distant from her right now and I just don't think about having sex.
Am I in the wrong here? I'm not trying to hold out on sex to punish her or anything like that, it's just that she's continuously crushed me down for the last few years, our sex life was already suffering, and I just don't have any interest right now. In fact, I was trying to get myself "in the mood" last night thinking of all the great times we've had in the past and those thoughts just kept getting pushed out by the more recent train wreck sex sessions we've had in the last couple years.
Never been here before and I have no idea what to do about it. Any suggestions would be most appreciated - thanks all. :confused:
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