I am a 39 year old male. Four weeks ago I was browsing through my wife's work notebook (I know, very bad) and came upon a list she had drafted of bills and apartment rent with her income and thought to myself, well **** that ain't good since we are married and live together in a four bedroom house with one 9 year old son. I realized that we have become a little bitter self absorbed, our sex life has be very bad as well. Largely my part, I have social anxiety and depression and was self-medicating for a very long time with alcohol that got worse and worse because I could not get any sleep constantly worrying about everything, no interest in sex and pretty much ignored the physical intimacy that my wife desired without even realizing it due to my mental state. I am functioning fine at my job, have a good career, but often dodge meetings, con calls classic avoidance behaviors. I realized that things were falling apart and wasn't happy with myself so I went t o psychiatrist five months ago and got on Zoloft. I did not tell my wife about this, which is a classic trait of shame/despair by individuals with anxiety disorder. After taking the meds for two weeks my wife found the hidden bottle and just freaked out that I had not told her, a big verbal argument ensued where i explained the reason, which she repeatedly said to me that I did not need this medication and either you quit taking it or I am leaving you. We both cried together and I agreed that I would quit the meds. Well four weeks after I found her above mentioned list she has separated, left me today and move into a new apartment. I feel terrible and know she has a hardened heart towards me since I show very little affection, intimacy, and was plain bitter and angry (not violent) during my drinking over the last year. I have not drank alcohol in four weeks and joined a co-dependency men's group, gone to individual counseling, trying to get involved in church again, got back on the meds, will seek cognitive therapy for the anxiety.
My wife has always been very controlling and I feel like she always has to have her way, she now has built her walls up and checked out completely, I had to live with her for the last four weeks knowing last weekend was D-Day for her moving out. I am in a pitiful state of affairs, I have repented all my wrong doings, I never cheated, I am a classic "Nice Guy" have all the traits so am reading the book. As sad as our relationship has been, I want us to work it out. I am way overdue to change my ways and am working towards that, work on myself with therapy and any means available. I may go to AA since they are a pretty good support group. What advice can you provide to unharden my wifes heart towards me, she has trust issues with me since I did not tell her about the meds. Also, she recently change jobs and there is also a possible EA or PA out there that I am unaware of, overhead her talk about a guy at work to her girlfriend, but she swears up and down there is not and she is leaving me because she is "Done". I take responsibility for much of this, but she never once spoke up months ago, suggested marriage counseling, sexual counseling, anything where we could have maybe nipped this before it got to the current state of despair. Please help. I am a train wreck right now.
My wife has always been very controlling and I feel like she always has to have her way, she now has built her walls up and checked out completely, I had to live with her for the last four weeks knowing last weekend was D-Day for her moving out. I am in a pitiful state of affairs, I have repented all my wrong doings, I never cheated, I am a classic "Nice Guy" have all the traits so am reading the book. As sad as our relationship has been, I want us to work it out. I am way overdue to change my ways and am working towards that, work on myself with therapy and any means available. I may go to AA since they are a pretty good support group. What advice can you provide to unharden my wifes heart towards me, she has trust issues with me since I did not tell her about the meds. Also, she recently change jobs and there is also a possible EA or PA out there that I am unaware of, overhead her talk about a guy at work to her girlfriend, but she swears up and down there is not and she is leaving me because she is "Done". I take responsibility for much of this, but she never once spoke up months ago, suggested marriage counseling, sexual counseling, anything where we could have maybe nipped this before it got to the current state of despair. Please help. I am a train wreck right now.
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