Hi guys, really apologies for the long read, and its first post, but wanted opinions on something thats really tormenting me.
Basically, im having issues over a break up with an ex girlfriend. Im 21 now, shes 20 in June. We've been dating on and off for 5-6 years. I say on and off, i think mainly because we were so young during school, and broke up for (what are looking back now) stupid reasons which didnt really make sense. Normally it was only a brief break up, matter of weeks or whatever, before we got back together. The only extended period we had was when i went travelling for 6 months, we split up in the January, i was away in Australia from Feb till June. In that time, she pretty much instantly found a new bf. When i came back from Oz, i got into a relationship with someone else, but after 3 months, i went to uni, and broke it off as i "didnt really want a relationship with someone at uni". Well guess what happened, she broke up with her ex about a month later, we met up briefly after and ended up sleeping together and getting back together. She later confessed that she was almost ready to sp lit up with her ex knowing that i was coming back from travelling soon. We were then great for 2 years further whilst at uni. We had our arguments, the distance was hard work but kinda expect that. In the summer this year, we began arguing again, and it got to the point where we split again. I wasnt sure what to do, she said the next day it didnt feel right breaking up with me, and could we just rekindle and sort things, but wasnt sure. My head was a mess following a very rocky period. 4 weeks later, and i want the girl back. We talk and try to sort things at uni, but it was extremely difficult to make a go of things whilst being so far away. So she ended up breaking up with me finally, absolutely destroying me (i had hoped making it till the xmas break wuda helped as we could of spoken about all our problems and properly sorted them). Also, im an extremely laid back person, like ridiculous, and i realise that i simply didnt put enough effort into the relationship. She was a lways far more "needy" in a sense, but i was at the opposite end of the spectrum (i feel this was the major issue in most of the break ups, we argued over this alot). I realise now that i should of shown her how much i cared about her and loved her, and not almost assumed shed know, because ive now lost her, and its hurting more than ever because it feels so real. Its been a big wake up call. We met up today and i spoke about how i was sorry for not doing enough and things, and being really open. And we were both upset, i mean i love the girl insanely. But shes adamant everything happens for a reason, and that we arent meant to be. But she cant stand to not be friends with me, and wants to still chat and stuff. So the questions i have are:
1) Does breaking up a few times really mean you arent suited? Because we get on ridiculously well, i feel it was just naivety and circumstance tbh. But im not sure :(
2) Do you ever forget your first love? I cant see ever finding anyone quite like her, theres just that something about her, and i kinda hope she feels the same way about me. Its like she will always be in my heart.
3) Does her wanting to be friends mean that she still holds some hope for us in the future? Like secretly she kinda knows feelings wont dissapear (well at least i dont think its actually possible??), so maybe in the future things will happen? Or is this me being optimistic?
4) Can you go from an intense deeply loving relationship to friends? Ive read alot about you just need to let go completely, then maybe try and be friends after a while, if she wants you she will come back,, etc. etc. But i cant bear to lose her out of my life?
5) Therefore, should i actually reconsider being friends with her? Its disgustingly hard to cope, itll be absolute torture if i find out she meets somebody else, but at the end of the day, its that small amount of hope i have thats telling me to stay friends? It also sucks because she knows that ill always love her, and that i dont wanna move on, but shes free to do what she wants almost.
Im really torn, and anyone with any experience would help me massively. Emotions can be a bitch sometimes! This isnt the complete story, but it the basics haha. Appreciate any responses!
Basically, im having issues over a break up with an ex girlfriend. Im 21 now, shes 20 in June. We've been dating on and off for 5-6 years. I say on and off, i think mainly because we were so young during school, and broke up for (what are looking back now) stupid reasons which didnt really make sense. Normally it was only a brief break up, matter of weeks or whatever, before we got back together. The only extended period we had was when i went travelling for 6 months, we split up in the January, i was away in Australia from Feb till June. In that time, she pretty much instantly found a new bf. When i came back from Oz, i got into a relationship with someone else, but after 3 months, i went to uni, and broke it off as i "didnt really want a relationship with someone at uni". Well guess what happened, she broke up with her ex about a month later, we met up briefly after and ended up sleeping together and getting back together. She later confessed that she was almost ready to sp lit up with her ex knowing that i was coming back from travelling soon. We were then great for 2 years further whilst at uni. We had our arguments, the distance was hard work but kinda expect that. In the summer this year, we began arguing again, and it got to the point where we split again. I wasnt sure what to do, she said the next day it didnt feel right breaking up with me, and could we just rekindle and sort things, but wasnt sure. My head was a mess following a very rocky period. 4 weeks later, and i want the girl back. We talk and try to sort things at uni, but it was extremely difficult to make a go of things whilst being so far away. So she ended up breaking up with me finally, absolutely destroying me (i had hoped making it till the xmas break wuda helped as we could of spoken about all our problems and properly sorted them). Also, im an extremely laid back person, like ridiculous, and i realise that i simply didnt put enough effort into the relationship. She was a lways far more "needy" in a sense, but i was at the opposite end of the spectrum (i feel this was the major issue in most of the break ups, we argued over this alot). I realise now that i should of shown her how much i cared about her and loved her, and not almost assumed shed know, because ive now lost her, and its hurting more than ever because it feels so real. Its been a big wake up call. We met up today and i spoke about how i was sorry for not doing enough and things, and being really open. And we were both upset, i mean i love the girl insanely. But shes adamant everything happens for a reason, and that we arent meant to be. But she cant stand to not be friends with me, and wants to still chat and stuff. So the questions i have are:
1) Does breaking up a few times really mean you arent suited? Because we get on ridiculously well, i feel it was just naivety and circumstance tbh. But im not sure :(
2) Do you ever forget your first love? I cant see ever finding anyone quite like her, theres just that something about her, and i kinda hope she feels the same way about me. Its like she will always be in my heart.
3) Does her wanting to be friends mean that she still holds some hope for us in the future? Like secretly she kinda knows feelings wont dissapear (well at least i dont think its actually possible??), so maybe in the future things will happen? Or is this me being optimistic?
4) Can you go from an intense deeply loving relationship to friends? Ive read alot about you just need to let go completely, then maybe try and be friends after a while, if she wants you she will come back,, etc. etc. But i cant bear to lose her out of my life?
5) Therefore, should i actually reconsider being friends with her? Its disgustingly hard to cope, itll be absolute torture if i find out she meets somebody else, but at the end of the day, its that small amount of hope i have thats telling me to stay friends? It also sucks because she knows that ill always love her, and that i dont wanna move on, but shes free to do what she wants almost.
Im really torn, and anyone with any experience would help me massively. Emotions can be a bitch sometimes! This isnt the complete story, but it the basics haha. Appreciate any responses!
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