Hi Everyone,
Really glad to have found this forum because I really could do with a little support and sharing of experiences right now.
I won't write a mini-novel with all the details but please feel free to ask more, if you want to.
In short my marriage is in a terrible state. Due to a lot of external factors such as several deaths in the family (on both sides), suspected PTSD (him), the emotional distress of trying to support someone with PTSD (me) and huge trust/abandonment issues (him), long term sickness (me) the list goes on, we never really got off to a great start. We just seemed to be bombarded with much, much more trouble and heartache within the space of a few months than some people will have to deal with in a lifetime. We were struggling and our relationship went into rapid decline, neither of us getting the support we needed and a lot of arguing.
Very quickly the relationship turned abusive. Verbal and emotional in the beginning and over time that became physical. My husband eventually turned himself in to the military had has been on a programme for domestic violence. He was removed form our home for a while to cool off and is now back home. We've had a fair bit of individual counseling but haven't progressed to couples yet. The physical violence has stopped and the verbal abuse has lessened.
The thing is my husband now very frequently tells me that he does not love me and wants to divorce. I, on the other hand, have never forgotten who and why I fell in love and underneath all of the troubles I still love him dearly.
I really feel like we have been more a victim of nasty circumstances and that we really could get back on track but somehow he just doesn't see it. It's sort of like we've never had the opportunity to see the best of eachother, due to all of the other stuff we've had to deal with. It seems like such a sad waste of a marriage that I always believed (for good reason) to have massive potential. Kind of seems wrong to just give up before we even attend the couples part of counselling. On the other hand I'm scared that I'm making my husband miserable by not agreeing to a divorce.
I've really stood by him through thick and thin and I feel like he both doesn't really see just how much I've done to be supportive and doesn't see me for who I really am anymore.
Any advice, thoughts or shared experiences would be very much appreciated right now.
:scratchhead:
Really glad to have found this forum because I really could do with a little support and sharing of experiences right now.
I won't write a mini-novel with all the details but please feel free to ask more, if you want to.
In short my marriage is in a terrible state. Due to a lot of external factors such as several deaths in the family (on both sides), suspected PTSD (him), the emotional distress of trying to support someone with PTSD (me) and huge trust/abandonment issues (him), long term sickness (me) the list goes on, we never really got off to a great start. We just seemed to be bombarded with much, much more trouble and heartache within the space of a few months than some people will have to deal with in a lifetime. We were struggling and our relationship went into rapid decline, neither of us getting the support we needed and a lot of arguing.
Very quickly the relationship turned abusive. Verbal and emotional in the beginning and over time that became physical. My husband eventually turned himself in to the military had has been on a programme for domestic violence. He was removed form our home for a while to cool off and is now back home. We've had a fair bit of individual counseling but haven't progressed to couples yet. The physical violence has stopped and the verbal abuse has lessened.
The thing is my husband now very frequently tells me that he does not love me and wants to divorce. I, on the other hand, have never forgotten who and why I fell in love and underneath all of the troubles I still love him dearly.
I really feel like we have been more a victim of nasty circumstances and that we really could get back on track but somehow he just doesn't see it. It's sort of like we've never had the opportunity to see the best of eachother, due to all of the other stuff we've had to deal with. It seems like such a sad waste of a marriage that I always believed (for good reason) to have massive potential. Kind of seems wrong to just give up before we even attend the couples part of counselling. On the other hand I'm scared that I'm making my husband miserable by not agreeing to a divorce.
I've really stood by him through thick and thin and I feel like he both doesn't really see just how much I've done to be supportive and doesn't see me for who I really am anymore.
Any advice, thoughts or shared experiences would be very much appreciated right now.
:scratchhead:
Put the internet to work for you.
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