My husband and I have been together for 6 years this month and we have one boy together who's 3. I feel like my husband (let's call him Steve) skates by everything so easily and tries to take the most simple way out of any situation. I don't feel like there's much effort there. He loves us very much and I know he would do anything for us, but we end up fighting over the dumbest things.
Here's an example of what happened last night. Before I went to work (He had the day off) I asked him if he could make a phone call and possibly get the dishes done before I got back. He told me "yeah, sure". I sent him 1 text and called him 1 time to remind him about that phone call (I don't get any definite, uninterrupted breaks at work, otherwise I would have made the call myself) and I knew...I just KNEW nothing he said he would do would actually be done. I came in the door six hours later and saw him lounging on the couch, playing a game. The first thing I did was ask him specifics about that phone call, then turned around to face the kitchen, which hadn't been touched. He says "aw, crap!" which meant he forgot to make that phone call. Actually it meant he had more important things that came up (video games) first and just didn't get to it. I felt disrespected and like I wasn't important enough.
This isn't the first, second, or hundredth time this has happened, obviously. I ask him for help with something, he doesn't do it. I ask him to please stop doing something (like playing the game that keeps him up all hours of the night and makes him ignore his son) and he does it anyway. He says that me asking him to do things or commenting on his unreliability makes me controlling. He says he's a big boy and he loves us and he will get to it. He says he can do what he wants. He usually forgets or puts it off, whatever it may be. Now, that's not to say he does NOTHING around the house, because he does. I just feel like the things I ask always come after what he wants to do or don't come at all.
We got into a fight last night and he repeated the controlling thing. He thinks ignoring me, yelling at me or being unreliable is standing up for himself. I don't know if he finds me to be a slave driver or what, but I don't count on much from him anymore. Rarely does he surprise me with finished chores. When he does something like make the bed, I make sure to acknowledge him and thank him.
He says I don't try to be affectionate. I specifically remember asking him to come cuddle with me on the couch or hang out with me, using the exact words "I miss you." and he tells me "not right now, I'm busy" I feel like I do try. He feels like I don't.
I feel like I have to tell him to do everything. Everything down to brushing his teeth or taking a shower - he doesn't really do that stuff unless I tell him. He just always calls me controlling. I do tend to yell. He tends to yell louder. I told him a few days ago I need his help with a bill and he ended up yelling "that's not even my bilL!" and then we got into another fight. I reminded him that I've paid so many bills that weren't solely mine over the past 6 years (he finally got a real job about 5 or 6 months ago) and then he said I just like to rub things in his face. I don't. I just couldn't believe he was having a problem helping me with a bill.
Now, this is only my side of the story. If completely understood my husbands side, I wouldn't need to post in a marriage help forum. I don't know how people act on here but I really don't want anyone bashing or belittling him or calling him names - that's not why I'm here.
I love him very much. He takes care of me. He calls me beautiful. He tells me I'm out of his league. He comforts me when I'm sad. He drives me places because I don't like to. I have a joint syndrome and he has already told me he will take care of me no matter what happens. He's an excellent dad. I don't know what we'd do without him. I want to fix this. I don't want to be controlling, yet I don't completely understand his side.
Let's be clear: I'm not saying I don't get a little out of hand with control. I do. I don't ride fair rides because I'm not in control. I don't like to be drunk and have never tried drugs because I'm not in control and I don't like that. I AM a controlling person, mostly with myself, but I don't feel like I'm projecting that onto him.
Here's an example of what happened last night. Before I went to work (He had the day off) I asked him if he could make a phone call and possibly get the dishes done before I got back. He told me "yeah, sure". I sent him 1 text and called him 1 time to remind him about that phone call (I don't get any definite, uninterrupted breaks at work, otherwise I would have made the call myself) and I knew...I just KNEW nothing he said he would do would actually be done. I came in the door six hours later and saw him lounging on the couch, playing a game. The first thing I did was ask him specifics about that phone call, then turned around to face the kitchen, which hadn't been touched. He says "aw, crap!" which meant he forgot to make that phone call. Actually it meant he had more important things that came up (video games) first and just didn't get to it. I felt disrespected and like I wasn't important enough.
This isn't the first, second, or hundredth time this has happened, obviously. I ask him for help with something, he doesn't do it. I ask him to please stop doing something (like playing the game that keeps him up all hours of the night and makes him ignore his son) and he does it anyway. He says that me asking him to do things or commenting on his unreliability makes me controlling. He says he's a big boy and he loves us and he will get to it. He says he can do what he wants. He usually forgets or puts it off, whatever it may be. Now, that's not to say he does NOTHING around the house, because he does. I just feel like the things I ask always come after what he wants to do or don't come at all.
We got into a fight last night and he repeated the controlling thing. He thinks ignoring me, yelling at me or being unreliable is standing up for himself. I don't know if he finds me to be a slave driver or what, but I don't count on much from him anymore. Rarely does he surprise me with finished chores. When he does something like make the bed, I make sure to acknowledge him and thank him.
He says I don't try to be affectionate. I specifically remember asking him to come cuddle with me on the couch or hang out with me, using the exact words "I miss you." and he tells me "not right now, I'm busy" I feel like I do try. He feels like I don't.
I feel like I have to tell him to do everything. Everything down to brushing his teeth or taking a shower - he doesn't really do that stuff unless I tell him. He just always calls me controlling. I do tend to yell. He tends to yell louder. I told him a few days ago I need his help with a bill and he ended up yelling "that's not even my bilL!" and then we got into another fight. I reminded him that I've paid so many bills that weren't solely mine over the past 6 years (he finally got a real job about 5 or 6 months ago) and then he said I just like to rub things in his face. I don't. I just couldn't believe he was having a problem helping me with a bill.
Now, this is only my side of the story. If completely understood my husbands side, I wouldn't need to post in a marriage help forum. I don't know how people act on here but I really don't want anyone bashing or belittling him or calling him names - that's not why I'm here.
I love him very much. He takes care of me. He calls me beautiful. He tells me I'm out of his league. He comforts me when I'm sad. He drives me places because I don't like to. I have a joint syndrome and he has already told me he will take care of me no matter what happens. He's an excellent dad. I don't know what we'd do without him. I want to fix this. I don't want to be controlling, yet I don't completely understand his side.
Let's be clear: I'm not saying I don't get a little out of hand with control. I do. I don't ride fair rides because I'm not in control. I don't like to be drunk and have never tried drugs because I'm not in control and I don't like that. I AM a controlling person, mostly with myself, but I don't feel like I'm projecting that onto him.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment