| Hi all, New user, and looking for some advice. Beware this may be long. Background : My fiance and I have been together a total of 8 years, engaged almost 1 year. Getting Married in a few months. We met in college, lived together when we went away to grad school together, but when we moved home, we started living apart with our parents which has put some strain on our relationship. Then add the stress of planning a wedding and buying a house. Now the story. My fiance went away on a work trip. We were having some hard times I admit, but her being away gave me time to realize how much I miss and love her. While she was away she was hard to reach because she said she was busy doing work. Being able to talk to her for a few minutes each day was getting to me. I am a jealous person to begin with and have trust issues, I know after 8 years how could you. So I check her phone records and see she has been texting a number I've never seen before constantly after shes done working. After confronting her she said it was the team leader of the group and even let me read the texts when she got home. Nothing bad except for the texts to come up to his room, which she said is where everyone would hang out at night cause the town they were in was crappy. Me being suspicious I keep prying and after 5 days she says that the TL (Team Leader for short) said really nice things to her one night and she turned him down. My instant reaction is fury because how was this guy saying this stuff if they are hanging out in a group? We go back and forth and she swears nothing happened. I asked her if either of them were drunk and she said no. 2 days later I am still not believing her and want her to prove nothing happened by texting him so I can gain more insight as to what happened. Weird idea but I needed to know. While she was suppose to text him I intercepted an email she sends him saying how she is sorry for doing this but they have to stage a text message convo for me. She also mentions that she has to get over him and not to mention anything physical happened. I am now in my second stage of fury and confront her. Lots of yelling and screaming and she admits he kissed her and she kissed him back but immediately regretted it. Fury stage 3. I am bouncing off the walls but regain my composure after a couple days and decide we should work through it. But the feeling of being lied to lingered until I needed more information once again. I email TL asking if he would tell the truth about what happened. The rat bastard tells my fiance, Im not really surprised, and we get into an argument that ends with us trying to patch things up, 8 years is a long time. She says that she is going to tell him to respond if he wants to and swears still that nothing more happened. The next day she calls him and tells him. Little did she know I recorded the phone convo. Unfortunately for me I let it slip before getting to listen to it. We have a fight about I should be able to listen to it if there's nothing to hide and she says I should be able to trust her. She ends up deleting it. Fury stage 4. I am at my wits end asking what was on that recording that she didn't want me to hear. Yelling, yelling, screaming, yelling etc. is how a good chunk of that day went. Then silence when I tell her that if she doesnt tell me what shes hiding im walking out. She admits that she was drunk, made out with this guy "alot", but didnt go further. She says she wasn't thinking and was snapped to reality when he asked about a condom. She says she has felt guilty and ashamed. She wanted to hide it to save our relationship cause she knew I was gonna be mad. Fury stage 5. Did you know its possible to explode a Nalgene bottle by spiking it on a carpeted floor? Water goes everywhere. (I am not a violent person, never in a fight, would NEVER hurt a woman) We fight. We cry. We say we will make it work. This whole truth took almost a month to come out. I am still having doubts that I am getting the full truth, but she swears I know everything. She seems to really be remorseful, and that she was trying to hide what she did not only from me, but from herself so she didn't feel so ashamed. I am now torn on what to do. Wedding is a few months out and I don't know if I can trust my fiance. I want our life to be the way it was when we were in grad school. Just the two of us, happy and only worried about money. Now we have good jobs and everything else went to ****. Should we give up now? Considering counseling. She says she loves me and wants to prove it to me and regain my trust. I do love her, but I get filled with hate and rage and sadness when the slightest hint of infidelity comes up on a show or in life. *There are a lot of details that got left out and this was kind of a rant. Thanks for reading everything and any advice would be appreciated. ***ADDITIONAL INFO Forgot to add that TL works in a different office in a different state. This was her first work trip and first time working together. | |||
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