I found this comment on the www and thought it was pretty well written, and worth sharing.. as painful as it is to read. https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/...-affair.15212/ Quote:
As someone who was diagnosed with PTSD 3 months before finding out about my spouses affair I am appalled that anyone who has not been the victim of an extramarital affair would say it does not meet the criteria for developing PTSD. I can tell you a spouses affair is the most painful thing I have ever been through. It is worse than the childhood abuse, worse than being taken away from your parents, worse than having someone threaten your life if you tell about a crime. Please let me validate that yes, an spouses affair can most certainly cause PTSD. What does an extramarital affair do to a betrayed spouse?
It shatters our assumptions about our safety in the world. It reminds us that we have no control over what happens to us. Our emotional well being is a lie we told ourselves to make us feel safe. It teaches you that no matter how much you wish you could rely on other people, this just is not true in life. It teaches us that the security we once believe we had can be stolen from you in an instant and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
It is horrifying to know that the person you chose to share your life with, someone who promised to protect you and love you is just an abusive, selfish liar. It is horrifying and humiliating to wait to find out if you have some in curable disease such as AIDS or other STD. It is painful to know that someone you shared your life with would knowingly and intentionally put your life at risk, but not blatantly, they did it covertly with a smile on their face. When the horror of it all comes out, they blame you for their decision to put your life on the line.
To know that someone else would willing play with your life for their own selfish gain is nothing less than horrifying and debilitating. It takes away your belief that the world is a just and fair place. You realize that it doesn't matter how hard you've tried to do good things in your life, the world is cruel and you are not rewarded for trying to be a good person. If you had faith in God you soon come to realize God is a creation of man, because the human mind just can not fathom how people can get away with such horrid acts and that the victim may never receive justice. Man can't accept that we do live in an unjust world and that it is every man for himself. It steals something from your soul that can never again be replaced - it steals whatever amount of innocence you have left in your soul that told you the world had good, kind and loving people in it. You soon realize that your perception of having control over the path of your life is all an illusion. You don't have an y control over anything.
The only way to protect yourself from this harsh world is to harden your heart, rely on only yourself and look out for number one. Caring about other people does not stop them from hurting you, so why bother. You soon realize life is just an illusion of control - the illusion is that we have any ounce of control over what happens to us. So you sit on guard waiting for the next blow, hoping that if you can anticipate the next event it won't be as painful. You wonder what you could have done differently to have prevented this. You play it over and over again in your mind. As you go about "trying" to live life you become enraged when you hear a song on the radio, see a person, hear a word, anything can trigger the rage as if you were reliving that day all over again. relive a calendar date as it approaches years later, going over what you thought was happening at that particular time, but now knowing what was really happening behind the scenes.
Piecing the puzzle together days, months and years later. Just when you thought you had a handle on how the puzzle was put together, you begin to re-evaluate if those pieces really fit where you thought they did, never knowing if you'll complete the puzzle correctly and knowing that the only person who can help you do that is a complete liar.
Affairs steal our dreams of the future, make us doubt our pasts, shatter our assumptions of a fair world. They kill god, goodness and hope. They steal control, values, trust in humanity and a piece of your soul. Yes, affairs are traumatic! So please unless you've walked a mile in the shoes of a betrayed spouse, don't ever assume you know the depth of the trauma it creates! Infidelity is abuse, it is trauma and it is life altering!
Let me leave you with quote from a war veteran that posts on an infidelity forum.
I can honestly say this to whomever takes the time to read this post and this I swear; I am a 6 time Veteran of multiple wars and I have seen the face of death far to many times to count, my days and nights have been filled with the memories of lost friends and the tragedy that brought it. The only thing humanly possible to erase my pain was the Affair that my wife had. She saved me from my nightmares of war but burdened me with a pain that all of my worst days in combat all rolled up into a sigle moment couldn't compete with. I have never known such a pain, never in a million lifetimes should another person be subjected to this.
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