| I am posting this as a last resort. I don't know what else to do. I hope you guys/ladies can give me some much needed advice!! I'm 33. Husband is 31. We've been married for 7 months and I'm now 2 months pregnant. We've had a LOT of issues every step of the way and I'm not sure why we even stayed together. As you read this, you'll probably think several times "why the heck did she stay with him??". My answer - I don't know!! I love him so much and I don't want a divorce but at this point, I see no other option. When we first started dating, he lived with a girl and her parents. I had no problem with this, but much later I found out that he had a thing for her, even while we were together. I should have realized because he would go on and on and on about her and yet I never even met her. He also was (and still is, but hides it) obsessed with anime. And not the tame kind they show on cartoon network that my 11 year old watches. And he had posters all over his wall of these half naked cartoon characters who looked 15. It was disconcerting.. but something I looked past because everything about him was perfect (I thought). Well, I've since found out that he has had extremely strong crushes on these cartoon characters and has masturbated to them, etc. That's just.. I mean he's 31, not 16? And he once told me, after a fight about it, that I "could never measure up to them" (anime girls). He goes on and on and on about what he wishes I looked like. He even went so far once to show me a picture of someone (a cartoon character!!) and "joked" about pasting my head on her body. I didn't find it funny. He tells me all the time how he wishes I wore glasses (??), how he wishes I would wear my hair a certain way, dress a certain way, etc. And on top of that, he's always saying things like "I like girls that don't try hard", "I have a thing for girls who wear glasses", etc. I seriously have some major insecurity after all of this. And he goes on and on about his exes. I know ALL about them, even how great the sex was, and details about it!! Which he would bring up after we had sex and were cuddling!! Sure he's not a virgin, but do I really need to know exactly how his ex orgasmed??? Because I do. I know her breast size. I know their secret name for his penis. And his reasoning is that he loves me so much and he wants me to know everything about him. He also kept cybersex transcripts with all kinds of women. Kept pictures that he sent to them and that they sent to him. Emails. Etc. Why? He keeps saying "why are you bringing up the past?" but the thing is, I know all of this because HE brought it up.. and now it's hard to deal with all of this knowledge. I never asked for any of this. HE would bring it up.. on his own. And now, if I want to bring up the fact that I know all of this and try to talk about it, he accuses me of not forgiving his past. On top of all of this, he's had two emotional affairs. The second was very recent which is what is bringing all of this up. The first one was an ex-coworker. It had been going on since we first met, but I didn't know about it. He told me he was in love with her (she literally didn't even want people to know she was friends with him, and rarely responded to him). Every morning, and every night, she was the first and last person he would text. Like I said, she rarely even responded to him.. I saw this for myself. He lied about it for months. Then He told me he had "promised her" and they were just friends.. despite, during this conversation, getting jealous because "she never had time for him but had time for everyone else" in my own house. He finally ended it and admitted that it was an emotional affair (I am not sure that's what it was, since she didn't reciprocate).. but I'm still not sure he understands how and why it was wrong. The second, recent, was with a co-worker at his new job. The first hint of this was when he gave her money and she went and bought him a pack of cigarettes. He went on and on and on about how nice she was, the nicest person he's ever worked with, etc. etc. Um, ok.. I wish I could get even half that amount of praise even though I do 100 times more than she did. Then it started that I was no longer being invited to come to his work (he works at a restaurant). And then he started lying about her being at work when he was. After many arguments, it finally came out that he had a crush on her but that's all it was. I don't know if I believe that or not.. but that's all I can get out of him. We have sex once a week, and only when I make a big deal about us NOT having sex. I am currently his taxi as he lost his license because he didn't pay a speeding ticket.. and he doesn't respect my time at all. He doesn't ask if I can take him places, he just tells me to take him. He just assumes that I'm always available. Like right now, I'm waiting on a call to go pick him up at work. He should've been off hours ago and I haven't heard from him. Not even a "working late, sorry". I just have to sit here.. and wait. I try to talk to him but he doesn't listen to anything. It goes in one ear and out the other. I explain to him that I feel like he's not attracted to me for many, many reasons that I tell him about.. and his answer? "Not true, I am attracted to you". And that's the end of the conversation. Complete dismissal. I get tired of trying to talk so I write him a long text.. and he picks out the one thing that could be taken negative about him and only replies to that. Nothing else. I wrote him a handwritten letter, he didn't read it. I get voicemails from him where he's talking to me so hatefully and disrespectfully and during the middle of these, he'll stop to talk to someone else and will be so nice and sweet. And it hurts. *I* am his wife.. shouldn't I be the one he talks to nicely and sweetly?? When he's at home, he's always on his phone playing games. Or on the playstation playing games. That's all he ever does. I've begged for date nights and he just responds with "we don't have the money for that". I don't know what to do. I love him but this isn't a good relationship. But I'm pregnant.. so now I feel trapped. I thought he was so perfect in the beginning.. he showered me with attention and affection and he was just great. But now.. not so much. And it hasn't even been a year. | |||
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