| Hi everyone, I don't know if this is a common topic or not, but I'm struggling to understand whether or not my husband has a sexual addiction or not. We've been married two years, and while dating lived separately. For the first 3 months of dating, I was unaware of how much he was looking at porn and webcams. I discovered this while using his computer one day and told him I did not like the webcams at all, and asked if he could restrict it to just porn since that wasn't live. He agreed. Of course, fast forward months later I find out that he never stopped and only continued more frequently. . . This sort of continued on, except each time I became more upset. We got married, lived together and I thought that things were alright. How easy could it be to hide that sort of thing, right? Wrong. When I took showers, left the house for a break from the kids, took naps, ect. he 9 out of 10 times took that chance to look at porn and webcams. It did come to a point where I would begin to cry and told him how much it hurt me that he couldn't respect my feelings on it. He says he understands and he loves me and doesn't mean to hurt me, he "doesn't know" why he looks at it. This has been going on for two years now and we are living separately. To make matters worse, we both found out that my sister is doing underwear modeling and he has even been looking at her photos! I discovered this three times and the third time I told him, "no excuse, that's a boundary you don't cross, if you do this one more time I can't take it!" because I can't. This is ruining my self-esteem and making me very worried and paranoid about if he's being honest. And the second he had internet access, he was looking up porn and my sister! So what is this? He says now that he's trying everything to earn my trust and he can't live without me. That he wants to make things work. Is this him just not caring? He still answers that "he doesn't know" and he doesn't see the big deal with porn-- however if it wasn't a big deal, wouldn't it not be a big deal to just stop? I was recovering from a C-section and unable to have sex with him, but there have been times when he's too tired to have sex with me and I don't go off the deep end about it. To make things more confusing, we're now going to marriage counseling and it has been only the first session, but the counselor told me to not monitor or check, or anything, on his internet usage. This has been going on for two years as a repetitive problem-- "this will leave the door open for him to look at porn, but (my husbands name), you need to respect her and not look at porn." But, my husband hasn't done that once... should this be treated as an addiction therefore keep the monitoring in place and actively fought against, or what? I've seen recovering porn addicts saying that they keep monitors and filters and everything else on their computers, ect. because they do not want to slip up and they want to build trust with their spouse. I'm very confused about all of this. The issue is not with the content of porn, it's that my husband has blatantly disregarded my feelings and apologized, ran after me upset and told me he screwed up and wants to change, then gone right back to porn. Help, opinions, anything? I'd like to point out, bold, and highlight: He still says he doesn't see why I'm so upset about porn, however I've told him clearly that especially with the webcams, he's lied about it so many times that it now feels as if he's cheating on me with it. It really has escalated to that point of hurt. It seems he's expecting me to just forget or give up? | |||
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