| Hello all, I have been married to my husband for about 13 years and we are in our late 30's. My husband is overall a good man, with high ethical values and a good job. When we got married, we were both on the fence about having kids. Neither of us really liked children (he disliked them more than me), but I was open to the idea. Not only does he dislike children (and complains about them if ever seated next to them in a restaurant or on a plane), he tells me he finds pregnancy gross, and pregnant women unattractive. As can be imagined, this didn't exactly convince me to desire getting pregnant and having children. Now that I am in the late 30's, everyone around me has kids and I'm imagining my life 10 or 20 years from now and not liking what I see which is a middle aged, married but unfulfilled woman. I brought up the subject of maybe getting pregnant, and he said if I really wanted it he would do it, but I couldn't expect him to really be hands on in the way that I would need h im too. This I know is true, because he is quite lazy. Also, I have ADHD and would really need help because I couldn't do it on my own. My husband is content with sitting around all day on his ipad, or playing video games. He suffers from mild depression and is on antidepressants, but refuses to get therapy. We rarely show each other affection, and have sex once a month at most. When we have sex I have to envision I am having sex with someone else in order to get anything out of it because there is no passion in our marriage and I do not get sexually aroused by him. It doesn't help that he constantly has to give me a visual description of what occurs everytime he goes to the bathroom. He's very immature that way. When I tell him that it turns me off he ignores me and continues. He is about 20 lbs overweight which in itself, does not bother me at all. What bothers me is that he binge eats on junk food and never bothers to excercise. I am slim, toned, fit and take care of my body. He would have an issue if I became overweight. He gives our dog more attention than me, picking her up and cuddling and kissing her, and when I comment that he gives the dog more attention his response is "your jealous of a dog? Give me a break!" and that's it. He also sometimes makes me feel bad about myself and I don't think he realizes he's doing it. For example, I am starting to get a few gray hairs and he keeps pointing them out, telling me I need to start dying my hair, that it looks bad to walk around with gray hairs and that it's making HIM feel old. The only time I feel like he is attentive and loving towards me is when we are on vacation, which is like once a year. I have told him that I felt that way and he said he doesn't know what I'm talking about, and that I don't give him any affection either. Anyway, I'm not sure what do at this point. I am thinking of divorce. Overall I know he loves me and wouldn't want a divorce, but I feel like I am cheating myself out of a life (maybe with kids?) and a loving relationship. Although being in my late 30's, divorcing someone over wanting kids seems ridiculous, doesn't it? Anyway, i'd love to hear some advice. Thanks in advance! | |||
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