| First some background,my wife and I have been married for 15 years and have 3 children 1 of which is ours and 1 is mine and 1 is hers. For the most part it has been a really good relationship, we get alone good, and have very few arguments. Our arguments usually revolve around finances or the kids, it's always been a touchy situation when dealing with the two kids that aren't both ours, if she or I disagree about how to handle a situation we seem to take it too personally, I wish we could have stepped back and looked at how we don't take things personally when we disagree with "our" child so why do we have to take it so personally with our step children. Our other big issue has been money, I have taken care of the bills alone for the last 5 years plus and she hasn't had any input, this has left her not really knowing anything about our money situation and has caused problems especially when she feels as though she has to ask me if we have enough m oney to afford something. I can't blame her either and want this to change immediately, it was our plan to have separate bank accounts and separate responsibilities to help remedy this and it was to start in May. Now for the problems that have happened recently. About one month ago we had an argument that started over her daughter and some money, just to be clear here, her 19 year old daughter wanted to go to a concert and wanted some money, I really didn't feel like it was our responsibility but I never said so, but my wife could tell that I had a problem with it. I would never say no but that is what the argument was about. It escalated into her telling me she needed space and wanted me or her to leave. I was shocked, we had a great relationship,15 years and still affectionate, love for each other, honesty, I could go on and on with all the traits you want to see in a good relationship. So I decided to leave, not knowing what she was going through, I thought it would be safer for our relationship for me to leave. I didn't know what to think, I thought is she cheating, is she having some hormonal issues, does she just hate me... All along she has repeatedly said she loves me and do esn't want a divorce but needs space. With my head spinning I started looking into phone records trying to get some relief on the cheating question I had, but I found she was talking to a male coworker 30-45 minutes a day every day after work. This scared me, because she had barely mentioned this guy around me that he was a friend. That being said, she also feels I'm too jealous and can't handle her having a male friend, that's what she says and how she justified not mentioning talking to him so much. Anyway, long story short we ended up getting back together a week later but I continued to keep tabs on her through the phone records. In the meantime we went on a vacation for our 15 year anniversary and had a wonderful trip it was like escaping the reality that was at home. When we returned I continued to keep tabs and the calls continued, less now but they continued. I was hoping they would stop, because I was still thinking there had to be something to the correlation of t he split up and him , I also saw it as disrespect to our marriage since I had such a problem with it. This is not what I should have been doing and I realize it now, I truly believe they are just friends and I got caught up in my own head of trying to figure this out. It all came to head this weekend we started talking about it because I've been texting and calling her more than ever, giving her gifts , leaving small love notes, and she suspected it was out of jealousy from her still talking to this guy. That really had nothing to do with it, I was just trying too hard to keep our marriage going, but the issue did get brought up about him and her still talking and I did admit that I was still looking at the phone records. Then it really took off from there, I threatened to take things into my own hands and go find this guy if he didn't stop calling her, and she ended up leaving again. Now she is right back where we was a month ago, she wants space from the marriage she still loves me and doesn't want divorce but needs time. I can see I have went too far, I love her dearly and let emotions get the best of me. I really feel like she hasn't cheated on me. We have always been even brutally honest with each other and I should have knew she wouldn't do that. One thing she says scares me about what is one of her main reason for separation because i don't see any way to change this. She says she loves me but is not in love with me. It is hard to be in love after 15 years, I feel the in love feeling rarely but usually for me its an unconditional love choice that I have made not based on an emotion or feeling, I have spoke to her about counsel because i know it could help us both work through issues but she is against it. Now I'm asking, what can I do if anything to help this out. We are both good people and would hate to see this end. Thanks. | |||
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