| I've been with my husband for 21 tumultuous years. It remains so. After last night, I'm about at my wits end. If it gives you any idea, I've been at my wits end on many occasions and am still here. We've had a few arguments over the past few days. One was over a library book he found in my purse about manipulation. He immediately internalized it and got angry, confronting me about it as I was filling my morning coffee cup. I'm always reading various self-help books whether it be about me, him, and/or us. This led to a 3 hour fight with two people having hurt feelings. He ended up in victim mode and I was just annoyed. Last nights argument ensued with me making dinner for us. I tell him it's ready and he scowls and tells me we didn't discuss dinner. Okay...I didn't know we needed to discuss eating. So he doesn't eat any dinner and proceeds to come out and tell me about our lack of communication. I agree there's a lack, but I didn't know it involved dinner menus. Guess so. I explain to him I tend to live in the here and now, so he tells me leaving to go stay at his dads and we'll put the house up for sale and just end this thing. You might be saying "oh my" at this point, but this is a common response for him. He came back a few seconds later to say he wasn't leaving and was going to take some time to think about it. I clean the kitchen, feed dogs, do a few other things, all the while he keeps coming and telling me he has a lot to think about and it's not my fault. He needs to think about whether he needs to put me through all of this. I say okay, and tell him I'm going to go to bed. He wakes me at one, turning on the hall light, telling me he loves me and restating he needs to think about whether I deserve his crap. He wakes me at 3 saying he doesn't feel well. His back is hurting and now it hurts. He states he might be having a heart attack. It's possible, but he's done this type of attention getting ploy before. So I get up and put some clothes on and we look up symptoms. I'm a bit reluctant to just call 911, so I keep asking if he wants to go to emergency. He says "I don't know. What do you think?" This is said by him several times. How would I know? I'm not the one experiencing his discomfort. He finally bulls up and says he's just going to lay in the den and I can go back to bed. He wakes me up at 4 saying he thinks our 13 y.o. Dog isn't doing well. Sooooo, I get back up and check the old guy out. He's fine. My husband clearly has anxiety. He was on lorazepam for a few months and he seemed to deal with things much better (things=me, according to him). He stopped taking it when he began enduring blurred vision. I begged him to go back to the doctor to discuss alternative medication, but he wouldn't do it. So here we are again. Just another couple in an unhealthy relationship. I've decided to issue an ultimatum an take action on it. I've decided to just make a counseling appointment for him and tell him he's going. He may or may not. He thinks they're a waste of money and don't help anything. I'm looking for ideas on how to present this to him, so he might just actually do it. We did see a marriage counselor a few years ago, which didn't go well. While he had a good rapport with her, he used the sessions against me. He kept saying "she said you were this to me and you're the one that needs to change." I don't deny I always have self-growth to do, which is a life-long process, but I found it just another tool in his anxiety arsenal to fight with me. I'm so unhappy and tired. | |||
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