| I would love to read a man's perspective on this also... The not so short and sweet: Married 13 years, together 17. 2 children, 7 and 9 yrs. Two yrs ago we bought an xbox so we could watch netflix on the TV instead of just on the laptop. We don't pay for cable reception. He ends up getting a HALO video game. I didn't realize it was one where you wear a headset and talk to people. The first month he meets an unhappily married mother of one who lives 6 hours north of us, 2 states away. They play games together fairly regularly. First 6 mos I didn't mind. My husband has NEVER given me reason to question his fidelity. I then have a miscarriage. This may have set me off but I started getting really jealous of all of the nights he spent playing with her and talking to her. 12 mos into their friendship she asked him to be on Facebook with her. I am NOT happy. Too personal. My husband basically was never on FB, had only 40 friends, mostly family and childhood friends that I knew personally. Then this woman. He changes all of his photos, updates everything. No pics of me and him as a couple, adds all these photos of the kids that he forbade me from posting the previous 2 years. I was furious. He tells me that she asked him if it was ok to post a comment on one of the kids photos because she knew I was unhappy with their relationship. He told her no that she should only private message him. Big mistake on his part. I didn't find this out until later. He starts to chat with her on FB until midnight some nights. I get really angry. He gets angry with me. He starts to spend almost every night on the game with her while telling me it's only once or twice a week. "just playing the game" but sometimes until 3 or 4am. I get really depressed and have a flare up and am very ill. He ignores me. She was having some serious medical issues and after 17 nights straight they exchanged cell numbers "so he could call her in the hospital and check on her". He didn't tell me this. For 3 weeks after they exchanged numbers and she had texted him 2 days in a row while he was at work and sent him a photo of herself, he was acting really nervous, not looking me in the eye, etc. We also had a weekend without kids or dog which never happens and he played the game both nights while I went to bed alone. this was 3 days after they started texting eachother. After the 3 weeks I got so scared I googled "how to know if your husband is cheat ing on you". Not the red herring but he fit 90% of the lists for a cheating spouse. One of the tips was to look at cell records. I didn't even know we could access them since we used to do the pay as you go phones. he now had an android but I still have a flip phone. I looked up his records and saw that she had texted him as soon as he got to work these two days. It was 2 days straight. 3 texts from her and 2 responses from him, then the damn photo! Then no other texts or phone calls during the rest of the 3 weeks. so not like it was happening like crazy. I calmly questioned him about the cell numbers as soon as he got home. Her surgery was that day and he was supposed to call her so I'm guessing I was about to find out that he had her number and I beat him to it. I was devastated. He responded by telling me he would "tell me everything" which consisted of "she's my best friend, we talk every day". I cried and cried. He changed all of his passwords, pattern locked his phone. Continued to play games with her most nights, after she took several weeks off after the hospital. He spent my birthday night with her, came home at 5:30pm to tell me he was going to play the game. the little daughter was on there, too but I sat in my room by myself. couldn't believe this was happening. he told me I was psycho and crazy when I would try to be nice and normal. This went on all summer. He would take his phone downstairs and text her while he was working out. He got so pissed at me because I was so unhappy with it all. 4 months later I figured out his patternlock on the phone after he did it in front of me. For a month I looked at his text messages whenever I could. Never saw one text that was sexual or romantic. He had 16 photo downloads of her though. He said he had no idea they were on there. He had looked several months earlier while he was at work and they downloaded while he was lookin g at her FB pics. I was sick. Her name was under his work name on his address book which he still says wasn't lying. I had seen some odd texts before Labor Day about them "meeting up" and that he was an ass and he was sorry because he couldn't do it. Found out at thanksgiving that at Labor Day - her bday, they were planning to meet up while we were visiting his family out of town. She was going to drive 3 hours and he was going to take her to a bar for her bday. My husband NEVER does this. I think she was bringing a friend. I'm certain she wasn't going to tell her husband either. He couldn't figure how to wing it so they scrapped the plans. So after labor Day they both quit playing the game, he changed the pattern lock on his phone and they apparently stopped talking. That freaked me out though as their pattern of behavior was the same for 18 months, then it changed but they both changed. I feared they'd just gone underground. he didn't know I had seen his cell phone at that point. Here we are 6 months later. they supposedly never text or talk to each other because he told her to "chill out" but she's still on his phone, he confirmed that last week. She's still on the FB and on the Xbox. why keep her there if they never talk to each other? Is he embarrassed? Doesn't want to look bad? I have come a LONG way with this. We are much better as a couple. He works hard, he's affectionate, he's a great Dad, he fixes things around the house but she's still there. | |||
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