| I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now. I feel like we have grown together during those years and learned a lot by having each other by our side. We love each other deeply...But I don't know if we will be able to move on to the next stage. We have this cycle where one of us will be down. When I am down, it's usually something minor, some life stress, some issues. When he is down, it is usually complicated. Right now he is emotionally drained...He told me he doesn't honestly know if he'll ever be happy, as he has been unhappy. He has had a bad past where his father had robbed him of his childhood. He was never allowed to cry or grieve, and he was abused growing up. He is a tough person, a gentlemen, a people person, a joker, and the best person that I've ever know. He's my best friend. But because of his experiences he came to put others' happiness above his own because everyone depends on him, because he is reliable and he's just that good. Finally now that his family is out of his father's life, he feels like he is able to focus a bit more on himself and see what people are doing to him -- people cause him to suffer, always asking for things, always taking him for granted, etc. And he said, when was at his lowest no one could help him and he gets punished for it, for doing the right things even. He basically had to work it out himself, treacherously, painfully,...not even *I* can help him with his problems. And that what carries him through is his faith in God. I just feel so helpless...I feel like I can't help him at all. What can I say and what can I do to help him do better? People are selfish beings, people are hypocrites and I've learned not to have so much expectation from them as they will always disappoint you, even someone close to you. I told him I want to be with him and I want to be that person who lends him a hand, provide a shoulder for him to lean on, be there for him always...but I can't be everything and I don't know how to even help him in his darkest hours. I can try to be more religious, but he's not looking for a friend or someone to just read the scriptures, but to follow them too instead of making things as we desire. Sometimes I don't get him they way his best guy friend does, but he lives so far away and they rarely get a chance to communicate nowadays. We've talked about helping each other becoming a better person, and I know I have a lot of flaws. We all do. I already have trust issue that people won't stick around and if I were to lose him now I would be a wreck. But he needs a break, he needs to figure out what would make him happy, where he wants to be, and to find his inner peace...And he said he doesn't think we are heading in the same direction and it won't be fair on either of us if we were to stay together and stay unhappy. He told me I was his brightest start, his brightest light...I helped him out from the dark when we first met and he had always put my happiness above everything else. He always wanted to improve himself SO THAT he would be in a position to support and make me happy. We've shared so much memories together...Yet he is still unhappy on the inside....Like his needs and desires aren't being tended to, such as no one can really truly cheer him up. He lives in a place where his siblings do drugs, drink, party all the time, and then he has his family he looks after...work that doesn't seem to go anywhere. And as much as I want to help him escape all...I don't know if I'll be able to help. I don't want him to be happy because I am happy. I want him to be happy because HE is happy and I've told him that so many times. Is he saying all the times that we've spent together, the happy moments, when he called to said he missed me or that he loved me....didn't any of that make him happy? Wasn't he happy? I know I have my own problems that only I can overcome, and I know when I'm happy it doesn't mean all my problems have disappeared. How do I make him happy? Am I just not the right person for him because I can't help him when he is truly down? What do I do? Do I prepare for the worst? My heart is aching. Will we be able to follow each other to the ends of the world? Now I just feel like crying. | |||
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