Bitter- I don't know?

Okay so I haven't been with my ex for over a year now. For the most part it doesn't bother me and I have moved on and structured my own life now and in the sense I date and what not. Since my ex broke up with me which literally broke me then, I have had some really traumatic events occur within like 6-9 months to add to it and became very depressed which I am over for the most part. My ex has contacted me and I have contacted him from time to time, although he denies it but that's another story. I don't hate him. I just resent him. I know this is irrational and that is probably why I am writing it on here, but I really do. Somewhere in my mind when I talk to him or see him I actually want to just be abusive towards him a lot, which sometimes I am. In my mind I think I blame him for everything that has happened. Don't get me wrong, we do 'talk' a bit then I can literally flip. I know this is wrong and I may seem so weird, but I am not. It's only with him. I can't be happy for his achievements and I don't feel in love with him, I just want to hurt him emotionally. I am quite embarrassed of the way I feel and it seems the longer we don't talk, the harder it becomes as I think, why should he have a good life when he began the downward cycle of mine? I do have self-control and I don't stalk him. He was abusive and still can be manipulative etc which doesn't make it easier. He can go from hot to cold then deny it as though I have made it up, which annoys me. I know your going to think I am psycho but this is just how I feel and I have never felt like this at all about anyone. I don't cry about him, I don't want him back, I don't even really want to speak to him as I have no common ground with him anymore and he just speaks to me when he wants and is lonely or trying to 'prove a point'. Please can someone help me to let go of this anger. Or any suggestions just to make it easier. It's hurting me now too :(

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