| Hi everyone: I am currently separated from my wife. We are both 38. If we divorce, money will have been a big factor. If we do not divorce, at this point I'm concerned about being able to create a new life for myself and my daughter (3); and also about being able to attract a new mate. A little background- In my 20's I did very well. I actually dropped out of college because I was doing so well. But I was a partier and only concerned at the time for the here and now, so to make a long story short, I spent most of the money. When my wife came along I was in my late 20s and just starting to get to the point where I was growing up. BUT my wife was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, so she was expensive. She had no concept of the value of a dollar, and money burned a hole in her pocket. So I paid all of her bills (she made very little), and we managed to save nothing because we spent to the lifestyle that she was accustomed. Looking back, I was a little concerned, BUT I thought things would be fine eventually. Even though my wife is a spender and has an entitlement problem with money, she is not a 'keep up with the Jones' type. More like expensive dinners, night outs, 5$ coffees, etc....I reasoned that my income would most likely continue to rise over time, and that big houses and fancy cars weren't her thing, so I could live with going out to eat too often and having her blow too much money on lunches with friends, too many weekends away and so forth. Plus at that time I was spending too much money myself so I felt it hypocritical to make too much of an issue out of it. Anyway, fast forward a couple of years later and we got married. About that time, the bottom started to fall out of the industry that I work in. Over time, my income was cut in half, then after my daughter was born, a third. My wife stopped working when my daughter was born, so we lost her income (but even if she had continued to work, all of it would have gone to daycare, anyway). Things began to unravel as I wasn't earning enough to pay our basic living expenses. I felt then that things would turn around in time, but the lack of money caused big problems. My wife started sharing our money problems with her parents, who somehow came to believe that my falling income was indicative of a responsibility problem on my part. Her parents and I had several conversations that got progressively more and more nasty. No amount of logic and numbers was enough to convince them that the problem was income based and not money management based. Eventually they pushed very hard for my wife and I to become separated as a kind of 'tough love' strategy for me to get my stuff together. So here is where I stand today (this is embarrassing to even admit). I will make about 35k this year in a high expense area. After child support is taken out of my check, I have about 1400 left over per month- not NEARLY enough to survive on my own. What's worse, my wife is going after MORE money from me (I assume she will lose). Right now, that 1400 is GONE to lawyers and there is NO money for car payment, gas, rent, anything (I am temporarily staying with my mother and stepfather). My car was repossessed. I've been sued by creditors. I owe everyone. On top of all this, the IRS is after me. I am a former political activist and tax protester. After much thought and consideration, I've decided to try and work things out with them if I can. They say that I owe them 107k. The truth is it's more like 30k, but an additional garnishment on my paycheck is death in the short and longterm. I probably owe the state around 10-15k as well and they are next to come after me. So as you can see, things are very bad. My industry has shown signs of turning around but it's like 3x as much work these days and the carrot always seems like it's a year away. Going back to school is not realistic as I have a child to support and I have 0 time (believe it or not, my job is 50+ hours/week). Changing industries might be in the cards but I at least need to get a car and get it insured (I can get a ride to work now), which is totally out of reach for me at this time. Suggestions? | |||
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