| I'm going to try to make this as short as I can... I am 27 and so is my husband. We met at work 6 years ago and almost immediately became pregnant when we started dating. So, we started dating in August and I was pregnant in October. We have both said it was a love at first sight situation. I loved him then and love him now. We have had a pretty volatile relationship due to my depression issues and dealing with the death of my brother 2 years ago and with my husband dealing with his own depression. His depression (according to him) stems from him not being able to keep a job, having drinking/drug problems, getting into legal trouble and he has been in three bands since we started dating. Now, to clarify, he has been employed probably 75% of the time and has also had steady income from the bands. Throughout the course of our marriage (2 1/2 years ago) he has told me wants a divorce four times. Each time I have wimped out and left the house to stay with my best friend or my mother-in-law. After several weeks, he has always begged me back and I have gone right back. The problem with that has always been that we didn't do anything to improve our relationship during those times but talk about how we wanted to improve. So, over the last month he has lost his job (laid off), been kicked out of his band that is very successful due to smoking pot in a public place during a show, I seized the engine in his truck by running it out of oil (accidental) preventing him from being able to get another job, I found out we didn't receive our tax return because he defaulted on his student loans (I thought he was paying) and I had to tell him I borrowed from my 401-k last time we separated because I needed it to get a place but when I went home I used it for bills and Christmas instead and didn't tell him. Three days after I told him, he went into a crazy rage. Our son wasn't home thank God. We had spent all evening not speaking but sitt ing in the same room (he has anger issues and I was afraid to speak b/c of the loan issue) and when I went to bed he came in, ripped the closet door off and threw it and asked me to go upstairs to sleep because he couldn't be around me. I went upstairs and he came up shortly after and told me wanted a divorce (again) because we can't work as a team and he can't trust me because I didn't tell him about the loan. I didn't say much just talked as best I could without arguing. He told me he had been sitting downstairs with a gun to his head and then when he calmed down he said I could come back downstairs to sleep b/c I had to get up early. The night ended by him crying for several hours while I held him and he continued to tell me he wants a divorce then he begged me to kill him several times. I would like to add he went to therapy three times and started taking kolonopans from his doctor. He has since quit therapy. The next day my Dad called to say my best friend told him what happened and I needed to leave right then. I checked into a hotel while he was still asleep then went to my in-laws to get our son. I told them what happened because I wanted them to help him get psychiatric care. He showed up there while I was talking to his parents and was very adamant about wanting a divorce. His parents would just say he needed help mentally and kept belittling him for staying "under employed" and not taking care of his responsibilities. I ended up taking my son to the hotel for the night, then going to my Mom's for the next night. When I came back, my best friend and I went to find a home for us to live in with our kids together. We signed a 6 month lease. This was last Saturday. The following day my husband sat down and told me he didn't want a divorce, but he does want a legal separation so we won't have to wait 90 days after the separation to divorce if we so choose. We have both agreed that a huge problem in the past has been that we didn't give ea ch other enough time to work on ourselves or change our relationship. So, I am in the process of moving while he went out of town for the week with his Dad to work (give me space LOL). He has called several times and expressed his desire to turn our marriage around because we both have unfailing love for each other. I am so hurt from all the separations and the irresponsibility. By irresponsibility I mean he has gotten a DUI, been charged with child abuse while I was at work and our son got outside while he was passed out hungover, he has been arrested for driving with no license three times (he has had it back for two years now) and he has consistently poured all his life passion into his band instead of into his family. He says he wants to work on himself and will feel better by working out (he's very skinny and insecure) and getting a good job and taking vitamins to improve his mood instead of his prescription. I am battling with just moving ahead with a divorce instead of granting him the six months to see if we can do this. All of this said, I am by no means perfect. Eventhough I have done the majority of the child-rearing and have had the same job for 4 years, I am moody and have battled a serious depression over my marriage and my brothers death (overdose). I just don't know whether to really pour my heart into saving my marriage with a man I do love but seems to never change. I also have to take my friend into consideration because she is moving 60 miles to live with me. ADVICE? |
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