| We are 5 months into the marriage. She cheated with a co-worker before the wedding and insists that she doesn't care about him and I believe her when she says that. She was a virgin before that, and so she lost her virginity to him. I am not a virgin and that doesnt really matter to me, but I thought it mattered to her. That isnt the ultimate issue and thats not what bothered me. I was hurt at the time because I felt betrayed. After careful evaluation of our engagement and relationship at that time, we agreed that she made a mistake and she was seemingly apologetic. Enough for me to believe that it was just that – a mistake. I don't want to go into too many details about her explanation of why she did it, or how she ended up doing it, but in the end, I felt better about it and we were married a month later. And now we are 5 months into the marriage. I caught her recently talking with another guy via facebook, very flirtatious and I confronted her. For two weeks I was dying inside because I got the sense that she didn't want me anymore, that maybe she never did. She was less apologetic, but still felt bad and tried to convince me that she has a "problem," and that she needs time to figure out what is wrong with her. Ultimately, however, she does want to work on the relationship because she loves me. I spoke with her some more last weekend, and she admitted to me that she slept with the first guy again, couple months back. Now I am here. She contests that she doesn't have feelings for him, that he is very persuasive, but that she did want to sleep with him. It happened. Couple months have gone by since that incident, and I think she intended to leave me and just never tell me. But she stayed because she believes that we can work through this. I don't know how convinced I am, and recently I have felt like I have had to fight more than she has. She seems crushed by the whole situation and I can empathize, but I'm now more concerned about myself, and I don't want to get hurt anymore. She's started therapy and seems like she does want to get help and work on our relationship, but given that even after the second time I find her flirting with some other guy. She tells me that the 2nd guy is just a friend and the relationship got flirty, and that was all. I'm starting to feel like she has a real problem and I want to help her. But maybe I cant, or maybe I shouldn't. I love her and I love who she is, because deep down she is a genuinely good person and I don't want to lose that in my life. Do I let her go and see if she comes back? Or do I stay and help her and work on this marriage. It's a young marriage and I don't want to give up because at the core of the relationship we are great together. After the wedding things were good. There was a cloud still hanging over because of what happened prior to the wedding, but I guess I was just flying high from the wedding and I felt good about us. Now given everything that has happened I feel like I may have been betrayed too much. I havent talked to too many people about this because I am embarassed and I guess I'm scared that the people in my life will tell me to leave her. I just dont want to do that. | |||
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