Another sexless relationship

I from when i googled the problem that this particular Thread has been beaten to death but i have no where else to turn to or talk to. I am a 33 year old male and i have been with my kids mom for 7 years, we have 2 kids and i love my wife so much that this is becoming to much to bare, i feel alone in my problems because i feel like i have no one. Before i start i must confess that due to these problems before i have cheated on my wife and she had found out and this second time again i almost started to until she read my emails and saw one from a girl who was trying to get with me(and she would have succeeded had my wife never found the email) but i know i hurt her and i cant hurt her anymore so now i have withdrawn from social online gaming and other things to remove myself from the temptation to cheat. Basically, i'm just a ornament that sits on a shelf and gets taken down when cleaning needs to be done or kids need to be watched. I tried to tal to my wife about these problems but all she does is call me a woman and laugh at me. If i get caught cheating again, i get my kids taken away, which would destroy me in ways i dont even want to imagine. SO it has come to deep depression, i now sit on the couch in despair. I try and hide it as much as i can from my wife but sometimes it just gets to be too much. And the worst part is my depression has started to lead to feelings of losing my will to live, i feel bad because my children should be enough to motivate me to want to live but it has come to the point that my prayer before sleeping is asking god to please not let me wake up. Every night for the last 3 years. I dont know what to do anymore, talking about it with her hasn't helped, i ask her if there is anyhting i an do to make her more attracted to me.. I.E. lose wieght, hair style, cothing... whatever i can change and she swears its not me. She swears that she just has no desire for sex at all ever. If that is the case i am stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand i can suffer from seve r heartache till death is a sweat release, or leave my girl and lose my kids which would kill me just as much.

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