Hello All,
this is my first post.
Here is the situation:
I am 34, she is 34. we met at 22 and have been together 12 years. I am the man in the relationship.
When we met she had a 2 year old who is now 14. We dated 5 years and have now been married 7.
for the first 4 years our relationship was amazing. we just had so much love. Only problem was she never trusted me. I came from a broken home and was abandoned by my mother at 12. I lived with my dad the rest of my life until 22. When I met my wife, being from a broken homem, I really did every thing to make the relationship work. It was my first and only relationship of any significance. I gave her everything and she took all that she could get. She bought our first home without me before we were married, but she needed me to pay the mortgage. I went along with it because i wanted to make her happy no matter what and keep my our "family" together. I knew it was a bad idea but did it anyway. 2 years later due to the economy we foreclosed and the $50+k I had invested into the home was lost. Que the inital resentment from me. Around the same time, 4 years into our relatinship the sex stopped or at least was greatly reduced. No oral sex and only I had initated the sex from here on out. I had no clue why. I aked her and she said her previous boyfriend had abused her and she didnt want to talk about it. I pushed for her to see a therapist but ultimately left it alone. I figured if I made her happy she would come around. She started asking for more things. She wanted a BMW, I got it. She wanted an SUV, I got it for her. But i began to wonder if this was right for me. she guilted me for everthing. just spending 30$ at the bar to watch football on sunday was a problem. She was very insecure and I wanted to make her happy, so I never went out. If I spent any money she would complain. If I went out she would complain and guilt me for it. Que our second home. It was an hour away from any of my family/framiliarity and not really what I wanted. But to make her happy I did it. More resent. then she wanted a dog, i said no dog, come home one day and we have a dog. Then she says she wants another child. plus when i wanted a chil d you said no, but now that you want a child its ok?? Ok but how can we do that, we dont really have much sex? she says 4 days a month I ovulate, we will have sex 4 days a month! That was the joke around the house, I only get it 4 days a month. more resent. after our first child TOGETHER the sex stopped almost 100%. Only I initated and she was NEVER enthusiastic about it. Then I tell her I want to have a son soon after the birth of our first child together, she says no way. I dont want another child, I want breast implants. OK if it will make her happy and more secure with me sexually, done, breast implants it is. no second child for me, im ok with that as long as you are happy and smiling. fast forward 3 years and we are about to be out of diapers and daycare and I have become content with the fact I wont be having anynmore children. She asks for another child. I say no. She says fine, If i cant have a child i want a second home at the beach. I say ok. And sign the paper work and get her a beach house. then not long after she tells me she is pregnant. so it looks like we are having another child no matter what. more resent. the one time a month we have sex and she gets pregnant. now I am under more pressure to make ends meet.
Point to the story is now I am fed up. I resent her so much that I am not even attracted to her anymore. I love her like a sister. I am thinking of seperation because i cant get over reset, i feel like i gave her all of my indepence and my 20's for her happiness and I feel like the most unhappy person ever.
What to do? any advice would be welcome. I have this yearning to get away from her controlling ways so that I can live my own life but there are 3 children invloved. Im just lost. any advice?
this is my first post.
Here is the situation:
I am 34, she is 34. we met at 22 and have been together 12 years. I am the man in the relationship.
When we met she had a 2 year old who is now 14. We dated 5 years and have now been married 7.
for the first 4 years our relationship was amazing. we just had so much love. Only problem was she never trusted me. I came from a broken home and was abandoned by my mother at 12. I lived with my dad the rest of my life until 22. When I met my wife, being from a broken homem, I really did every thing to make the relationship work. It was my first and only relationship of any significance. I gave her everything and she took all that she could get. She bought our first home without me before we were married, but she needed me to pay the mortgage. I went along with it because i wanted to make her happy no matter what and keep my our "family" together. I knew it was a bad idea but did it anyway. 2 years later due to the economy we foreclosed and the $50+k I had invested into the home was lost. Que the inital resentment from me. Around the same time, 4 years into our relatinship the sex stopped or at least was greatly reduced. No oral sex and only I had initated the sex from here on out. I had no clue why. I aked her and she said her previous boyfriend had abused her and she didnt want to talk about it. I pushed for her to see a therapist but ultimately left it alone. I figured if I made her happy she would come around. She started asking for more things. She wanted a BMW, I got it. She wanted an SUV, I got it for her. But i began to wonder if this was right for me. she guilted me for everthing. just spending 30$ at the bar to watch football on sunday was a problem. She was very insecure and I wanted to make her happy, so I never went out. If I spent any money she would complain. If I went out she would complain and guilt me for it. Que our second home. It was an hour away from any of my family/framiliarity and not really what I wanted. But to make her happy I did it. More resent. then she wanted a dog, i said no dog, come home one day and we have a dog. Then she says she wants another child. plus when i wanted a chil d you said no, but now that you want a child its ok?? Ok but how can we do that, we dont really have much sex? she says 4 days a month I ovulate, we will have sex 4 days a month! That was the joke around the house, I only get it 4 days a month. more resent. after our first child TOGETHER the sex stopped almost 100%. Only I initated and she was NEVER enthusiastic about it. Then I tell her I want to have a son soon after the birth of our first child together, she says no way. I dont want another child, I want breast implants. OK if it will make her happy and more secure with me sexually, done, breast implants it is. no second child for me, im ok with that as long as you are happy and smiling. fast forward 3 years and we are about to be out of diapers and daycare and I have become content with the fact I wont be having anynmore children. She asks for another child. I say no. She says fine, If i cant have a child i want a second home at the beach. I say ok. And sign the paper work and get her a beach house. then not long after she tells me she is pregnant. so it looks like we are having another child no matter what. more resent. the one time a month we have sex and she gets pregnant. now I am under more pressure to make ends meet.
Point to the story is now I am fed up. I resent her so much that I am not even attracted to her anymore. I love her like a sister. I am thinking of seperation because i cant get over reset, i feel like i gave her all of my indepence and my 20's for her happiness and I feel like the most unhappy person ever.
What to do? any advice would be welcome. I have this yearning to get away from her controlling ways so that I can live my own life but there are 3 children invloved. Im just lost. any advice?
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