Hello -
I'm brand new here, but hopefully some people can help me. I'm a mess. My wife and I have been married for 12 years and for probably the last 5 it's been getting worse and worse. I am constantly under a great deal of work stress and over time got angrier and angrier. I would take it out on her by yelling at her and arguing and she would make things worse by not doing anything at all around the house (she's a stay at home mom) and the sex was basically down to almost nothing. I paid for her to go on a trip to see her friends in a state 1500 miles away and that's where the trouble started.
She started texting a long time friend of hers around the time I booked the trip. She says she was texting others, but she was texting him from 2 or 3 times a day to 15-20 by the time she was leaving to go to the airport. She started sending him pictures via text, but I only know what one of them was because she texted it to me 5 days later. I can see her text records, but none of the content. She doesn't email him, but that is how I found out. She doesn't know I have access to her email account because she left it setup on my son's iPad. I do know she facebook chats with him somewhat frequently, and though she had deleted facebook from her phone, she has added it back on within the last couple of weeks. She has returned from the trip and I confronted her with it. I am committed to changing myself - I've made some big changes in the past two weeks and have scheduled an appointment with a therapist for a couple of days from now. We've had some really good conversation s and if I do what I need to do, we will be OK in the end (at least we both think that now).
That being said, I just can't get over the build up leading to the trip. I've confronted her about it and each time she says nothing happened. I believe that from a physical standpoint. But today I finally got her to admit that she sent a picture of herself scantily clad to him that she later sent to me. She didn't realize that when you take a picture with your phone, it holds the info. I know she is still facebooking with him, and just today texted him several times, including after our last conversation where she admitted sending the pic (she said I never asked if she sent it to him, but I did and she denied it). She texted him immediately after we got off the phone and has done so nearly every time after we talk. I know that I have to let this go for us to continue, but I'm sure that there is more to this than just sharing relationship issues. As far as I can tell, he has no girlfriend or significant other. I can't ask her to stop texting him; she'll say no and th en will hold it against me, at which point we will be finished and I will lose my kids. Making it worse is I travel for work and I'm currently on a four week business trip. I can't stop fixating on this and need help figuring out how to go through with this. The only thing that would really make it stop would be to see the texts and either validate her or prove that she is lying. I built up a huge cheating scenario in my head and even though I think most of it is false, I am finding it hard to trust her.
Any ideas are welcome and sorry for the rambling, but I'm in a bad place and can't bring it up with her again unless I have proof.
Thanks for reading.
I'm brand new here, but hopefully some people can help me. I'm a mess. My wife and I have been married for 12 years and for probably the last 5 it's been getting worse and worse. I am constantly under a great deal of work stress and over time got angrier and angrier. I would take it out on her by yelling at her and arguing and she would make things worse by not doing anything at all around the house (she's a stay at home mom) and the sex was basically down to almost nothing. I paid for her to go on a trip to see her friends in a state 1500 miles away and that's where the trouble started.
She started texting a long time friend of hers around the time I booked the trip. She says she was texting others, but she was texting him from 2 or 3 times a day to 15-20 by the time she was leaving to go to the airport. She started sending him pictures via text, but I only know what one of them was because she texted it to me 5 days later. I can see her text records, but none of the content. She doesn't email him, but that is how I found out. She doesn't know I have access to her email account because she left it setup on my son's iPad. I do know she facebook chats with him somewhat frequently, and though she had deleted facebook from her phone, she has added it back on within the last couple of weeks. She has returned from the trip and I confronted her with it. I am committed to changing myself - I've made some big changes in the past two weeks and have scheduled an appointment with a therapist for a couple of days from now. We've had some really good conversation s and if I do what I need to do, we will be OK in the end (at least we both think that now).
That being said, I just can't get over the build up leading to the trip. I've confronted her about it and each time she says nothing happened. I believe that from a physical standpoint. But today I finally got her to admit that she sent a picture of herself scantily clad to him that she later sent to me. She didn't realize that when you take a picture with your phone, it holds the info. I know she is still facebooking with him, and just today texted him several times, including after our last conversation where she admitted sending the pic (she said I never asked if she sent it to him, but I did and she denied it). She texted him immediately after we got off the phone and has done so nearly every time after we talk. I know that I have to let this go for us to continue, but I'm sure that there is more to this than just sharing relationship issues. As far as I can tell, he has no girlfriend or significant other. I can't ask her to stop texting him; she'll say no and th en will hold it against me, at which point we will be finished and I will lose my kids. Making it worse is I travel for work and I'm currently on a four week business trip. I can't stop fixating on this and need help figuring out how to go through with this. The only thing that would really make it stop would be to see the texts and either validate her or prove that she is lying. I built up a huge cheating scenario in my head and even though I think most of it is false, I am finding it hard to trust her.
Any ideas are welcome and sorry for the rambling, but I'm in a bad place and can't bring it up with her again unless I have proof.
Thanks for reading.
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