Can I get some outside perspective on this please?
My husband has never yelled or screamed at me but he seems very short tempered and easily frustrated. When things that I consider everyday stressors happen - like encountering traffic, or the new puppy (that he wanted) being hyper or peeing on the floor, he gets frustrated and starts snapping at me. If we're lost in the car, and I try to help he snaps "just dont! Just be quiet and don't tap on your phone!" (I was pulling up GPS).
As long as everything is going exactly the way he'd like, he's fine. But as soon as the smallest thing gets on his nerves (maybe his team is losing on TV, the dog is running around, the printer jams - just any unexpected inconvenience) he'll snap at me and say "go! And take the dogs. I need to be alone!" -- and I'm supposed to just leave the room because he is in a bad mood. If I try to talk to him he gets really irate and says "Not now, just go. Don't talk to me!" When it's something like the printer jamming, or we're lost in the car, any effort I make to help makes him angrier and he tells me to "stop. don't say anything!"
If I stay quiet when he's frustrated it passes -- usually pretty fast, say 5 minutes. But I hate the way I feel when he's like that, and his shushing me or telling me to leave makes me furious.
We don't have children and we are trying to adopt from the foster system and I'm very worried about these kids living with someone who gets bad moods when the slightest thing goes wrong. Once he calms down, he apologizes, but if I try to talk to him about it he simply refuses to engage me. It's never a good time to discuss it.
Lastly - he has health issues and is in a lot of pain a lot of the time and I think he is also depressed.He will say he's snapping because he's in pain, but I believe it's always been his personality, even before the health issues. He has finally agreed to talk to his Dr. about the depression so maybe I should wait to see how that goes, but I'm really sick of this.
MY QUESTION: Is this normal? Do people just get in bad moods and snap at their spouses and we just don't see that side of other people because we don't live with them? Or is my husband being an immature self indulgent ass at my expense?
Thanks for your input/perspective.
My husband has never yelled or screamed at me but he seems very short tempered and easily frustrated. When things that I consider everyday stressors happen - like encountering traffic, or the new puppy (that he wanted) being hyper or peeing on the floor, he gets frustrated and starts snapping at me. If we're lost in the car, and I try to help he snaps "just dont! Just be quiet and don't tap on your phone!" (I was pulling up GPS).
As long as everything is going exactly the way he'd like, he's fine. But as soon as the smallest thing gets on his nerves (maybe his team is losing on TV, the dog is running around, the printer jams - just any unexpected inconvenience) he'll snap at me and say "go! And take the dogs. I need to be alone!" -- and I'm supposed to just leave the room because he is in a bad mood. If I try to talk to him he gets really irate and says "Not now, just go. Don't talk to me!" When it's something like the printer jamming, or we're lost in the car, any effort I make to help makes him angrier and he tells me to "stop. don't say anything!"
If I stay quiet when he's frustrated it passes -- usually pretty fast, say 5 minutes. But I hate the way I feel when he's like that, and his shushing me or telling me to leave makes me furious.
We don't have children and we are trying to adopt from the foster system and I'm very worried about these kids living with someone who gets bad moods when the slightest thing goes wrong. Once he calms down, he apologizes, but if I try to talk to him about it he simply refuses to engage me. It's never a good time to discuss it.
Lastly - he has health issues and is in a lot of pain a lot of the time and I think he is also depressed.He will say he's snapping because he's in pain, but I believe it's always been his personality, even before the health issues. He has finally agreed to talk to his Dr. about the depression so maybe I should wait to see how that goes, but I'm really sick of this.
MY QUESTION: Is this normal? Do people just get in bad moods and snap at their spouses and we just don't see that side of other people because we don't live with them? Or is my husband being an immature self indulgent ass at my expense?
Thanks for your input/perspective.
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