This is mostly a vent thread, but advice will not be turned away.
Short story:
2 kids-stepdaughter, 22 and son, 18
Married for 20+ years
Oct 2013 - was informed that marriage was not repairable
June 2014 - informed kids and family of said fact
Sept 2014 - tipped off by anonymous person that there was long term affair (this was 2 days before move out date)
Feb 2015 - divorce final
My thread is out there-making it about me now...
My ex has narcissistic tendencies. I know this now, but of course did not when we were together. I know I am much happier without him, and my life is and will continue to be better. His family and our kids still believe that we simply drifted apart. Without my tipster, I'd still think that, too. (Cause ex is all about not looking like the bad guy...)
SD and I have had a strained relationship for years. I was never sure why, but now I'm seeing that she has the same narcissistic tendencies as her dad. And probably her mom, too. As she has gone through college and now the divorce, she has almost nothing to do with me. And I don't know why.
On top of that, while his family still loves me, and would love to see me, I clearly no longer belong there, and at some point, had to start pulling away for my own health.
The holidays were HORRIBLE. I am now going through some things that are bringing out the same feelings I had then. Like my SD's boyfriend is here from out of the country. She's spending time with everyone so they can meet him, even having a big family picnic this weekend...with my inlaws. And has not said a word to me.
I will get myself back to therapy, but thought I'd start here. Let me make it clear that overall, I'm doing great. I have great friends, a great job, I'm dating, and I'm always busy. Really... Doing well.
Mostly.
How do people cope with the feeling that in part of your life, it's as though you died? And everyone you loved is just living life with you removed from the picture?
I have a great relationship with my son, but my parents are gone, and I'm not close to my siblings. My inlaws were my family. My SD was an infant when I came into her life. There was never a time I did not consider her to be my daughter. I feel like I'm the one who was loyal and dedicated and tried desperately to save a marriage the was doomed from the start, yet I'm the one who has lost nearly everything.
I feel banished. Completely cast aside. It is heartbreaking.
/End vent...
Short story:
2 kids-stepdaughter, 22 and son, 18
Married for 20+ years
Oct 2013 - was informed that marriage was not repairable
June 2014 - informed kids and family of said fact
Sept 2014 - tipped off by anonymous person that there was long term affair (this was 2 days before move out date)
Feb 2015 - divorce final
My thread is out there-making it about me now...
My ex has narcissistic tendencies. I know this now, but of course did not when we were together. I know I am much happier without him, and my life is and will continue to be better. His family and our kids still believe that we simply drifted apart. Without my tipster, I'd still think that, too. (Cause ex is all about not looking like the bad guy...)
SD and I have had a strained relationship for years. I was never sure why, but now I'm seeing that she has the same narcissistic tendencies as her dad. And probably her mom, too. As she has gone through college and now the divorce, she has almost nothing to do with me. And I don't know why.
On top of that, while his family still loves me, and would love to see me, I clearly no longer belong there, and at some point, had to start pulling away for my own health.
The holidays were HORRIBLE. I am now going through some things that are bringing out the same feelings I had then. Like my SD's boyfriend is here from out of the country. She's spending time with everyone so they can meet him, even having a big family picnic this weekend...with my inlaws. And has not said a word to me.
I will get myself back to therapy, but thought I'd start here. Let me make it clear that overall, I'm doing great. I have great friends, a great job, I'm dating, and I'm always busy. Really... Doing well.
Mostly.
How do people cope with the feeling that in part of your life, it's as though you died? And everyone you loved is just living life with you removed from the picture?
I have a great relationship with my son, but my parents are gone, and I'm not close to my siblings. My inlaws were my family. My SD was an infant when I came into her life. There was never a time I did not consider her to be my daughter. I feel like I'm the one who was loyal and dedicated and tried desperately to save a marriage the was doomed from the start, yet I'm the one who has lost nearly everything.
I feel banished. Completely cast aside. It is heartbreaking.
/End vent...
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