I slept awful last night. Its happened a few times before...a pit in my stomach that wont go away. Here's how it got there...
(First though, the details of the story are less important than how and what is happening, this is just the most recent example)...
Last night about 9-ish S/O shoots me a txt msg: "hi, how was your day...". We banter back and forth for 10 minutes or so. Nothing unusual . Just killing time, having an exchange since we cant see each other until tomorrow night (which is today, tonight).
Then, she says... "Jane* cut her knee, needs 8 stitches"
Now, I think I know who "Jane" is...a friend of her daughters....but not really sure...(Jane is 11 y/o friend of SO's daughter, btw).
I said something about that being sad...you know kids got hurt...etc. and go onto talk about what we were taling about.
SO says "Rhonda and I are looking after her", her parents are out of town.
So I ask back... "Where are you, Jane's place or (your) home?
SO: "home"
ME: I thought yo were watching Jane?
SO: Her parents are home.
ME: I though you said the were out of town.
SO: They are out of town tomorrow afternoon to Sunday afternoon. Ronda and I are taking tuns watching her while her parents are away.
Now, I've left out a lot to cut to it. Took about 40 minutes to get this information across. Once again, I start to see a pattern, one I know you cant see because I'm abbreviating a situation. Here's the deal
In a roundabout , backwards way, I have just been "told" that SO is going to be busy and not able to get together Saturday night as we had planned. I've had to piece the information together from statements and indirect date references, and as I do I can feel the pit in my stomach starting, the disappointment setting in. I'm realizing through what I can "reverese engineering" that watching the the friends kids is going to have to happen Saturday night, when the parents are out of town. But, once again SO doesnt bother to tell me straight out. It dawns on me whats happening and I then txt her... "Ahhh, I see, I get it." and then right after.. "I get it"
This was about 9:40pm.
WHat followed next was absolute insanity. As I tried to clarify what I just figured out - I started to get all kinds of push back... thinkgs Like "I would think you'd understand..." referring to having two kids of my own....
I see the txts are following a line of opinion that couldnt be further from the truth so I said , "Im calling"....meaning using the phone. We rarely use the phone.
She doesn't pick up. In fact I called 3 times. I gave ample notice each time that I was going to attempt calling, so that if she wa in a different room she could get to the phone. She was within 15' of it. Never picked up the phone.
I said "please" even. Several times. At one point she said "Phone is unplugged"... basically so I wouldnt ask anymore.
So, I was getting worked up...now not over the original issue of have to reverse engineer the original issue, but now that she wouldnt...was refusing to pick up the phone. I told her that we could have cleared this entire miscommunication up by 9:45 has she just picked up the phone. I explained how I felt... and on and on it went.
Her txt message package ran out at 12:07AM, and she said to wrap up shed have to hope on Facebook messenger.
All this time I'm puling what little hair I have out...all because she wouldnt pick up the phone.
Now, the situation with the little girl who cut herself badly is terrible, and I'm a dad too, and compassionate. I'm not taking anything away from that unfortunate situation. That isnt even this issue,although there were a couple times when SO tried to make it one. At no time was that ever the issue.
SO said (and has said before many times) "I'm better in person" and "I hate phones", to which I responded "This needs some clarity right away, not the next time we are able to get together... whether thats tomorrow or 5 days from now. This needs addressing right away...
I am dumbfounded but her outright refusal to pick up the phone. She even said that "she was ok with talking about it next time we got together.... that she was OK"...and " :-) "
She tried a couple times switching the conversation to "neighbours are having a bonfire", and " its starting to rain"
I told her that what was happening at the neighbours wasnt really a concern to me at the moment, and I also told her I had the same weather app.
Later, after 12:30 she said something about dragging this issue out. I told her again that it wouldnt have been dragged out if she just had picked up the phone....
I woke up shortly before 5AM, uncomfortable and not well rested. Pit in my stomach still there.
One of the may lofty things we discussed when we stated dating 18 months ago was how important communication is, honesty, trust respect. Somewhere the wheels came of this communication bus. And, its not my doing. She may say she's ok, but I most certainly was, and am not.
SO at some point said its looking about 50/50 whether shes going to come over here tonight (becuse its dependant on whether the you child needs to be watched in her own home or is going to be able to be moved to another friends home). THe 50/50 odds aren't really making me feel any better...What I'm supposed to get all excited about the possibility of seeing her, only to be dashed again?
I even said to her..."where is this love you profess"... I was referring to the adamant stance she was taking against answering phone. (She tells me she hates the phone..I told her I've seen her use it quite effectively on many occasions. She said to that "yes, but not under duress"
To me, the whole conversation from the get-go at 9PM was a game...a challenge for her. I called her out asked her why she was playing games... her answer was "I'm not....." and then she went on to address another point and we never got back to it.
I'm feeling disappointed over the original backing out of our date, but I would have been better with it, even understanding of it if she had just come straight out and said what the deal was, instead of making me figure it out. I HATE that. And, I have told her this before....actually this isnt the first time I've had to reverse engineer a message.
In fact at one point just around 9:40 last nice She said to me " You get it that tomorrow is Saturday, or do you get it -referring to something else?" She KNEW what she was doing.
Man, am I steamed right now. I cant begin to explain it.
(First though, the details of the story are less important than how and what is happening, this is just the most recent example)...
Last night about 9-ish S/O shoots me a txt msg: "hi, how was your day...". We banter back and forth for 10 minutes or so. Nothing unusual . Just killing time, having an exchange since we cant see each other until tomorrow night (which is today, tonight).
Then, she says... "Jane* cut her knee, needs 8 stitches"
Now, I think I know who "Jane" is...a friend of her daughters....but not really sure...(Jane is 11 y/o friend of SO's daughter, btw).
I said something about that being sad...you know kids got hurt...etc. and go onto talk about what we were taling about.
SO says "Rhonda and I are looking after her", her parents are out of town.
So I ask back... "Where are you, Jane's place or (your) home?
SO: "home"
ME: I thought yo were watching Jane?
SO: Her parents are home.
ME: I though you said the were out of town.
SO: They are out of town tomorrow afternoon to Sunday afternoon. Ronda and I are taking tuns watching her while her parents are away.
Now, I've left out a lot to cut to it. Took about 40 minutes to get this information across. Once again, I start to see a pattern, one I know you cant see because I'm abbreviating a situation. Here's the deal
In a roundabout , backwards way, I have just been "told" that SO is going to be busy and not able to get together Saturday night as we had planned. I've had to piece the information together from statements and indirect date references, and as I do I can feel the pit in my stomach starting, the disappointment setting in. I'm realizing through what I can "reverese engineering" that watching the the friends kids is going to have to happen Saturday night, when the parents are out of town. But, once again SO doesnt bother to tell me straight out. It dawns on me whats happening and I then txt her... "Ahhh, I see, I get it." and then right after.. "I get it"
This was about 9:40pm.
WHat followed next was absolute insanity. As I tried to clarify what I just figured out - I started to get all kinds of push back... thinkgs Like "I would think you'd understand..." referring to having two kids of my own....
I see the txts are following a line of opinion that couldnt be further from the truth so I said , "Im calling"....meaning using the phone. We rarely use the phone.
She doesn't pick up. In fact I called 3 times. I gave ample notice each time that I was going to attempt calling, so that if she wa in a different room she could get to the phone. She was within 15' of it. Never picked up the phone.
I said "please" even. Several times. At one point she said "Phone is unplugged"... basically so I wouldnt ask anymore.
So, I was getting worked up...now not over the original issue of have to reverse engineer the original issue, but now that she wouldnt...was refusing to pick up the phone. I told her that we could have cleared this entire miscommunication up by 9:45 has she just picked up the phone. I explained how I felt... and on and on it went.
Her txt message package ran out at 12:07AM, and she said to wrap up shed have to hope on Facebook messenger.
All this time I'm puling what little hair I have out...all because she wouldnt pick up the phone.
Now, the situation with the little girl who cut herself badly is terrible, and I'm a dad too, and compassionate. I'm not taking anything away from that unfortunate situation. That isnt even this issue,although there were a couple times when SO tried to make it one. At no time was that ever the issue.
SO said (and has said before many times) "I'm better in person" and "I hate phones", to which I responded "This needs some clarity right away, not the next time we are able to get together... whether thats tomorrow or 5 days from now. This needs addressing right away...
I am dumbfounded but her outright refusal to pick up the phone. She even said that "she was ok with talking about it next time we got together.... that she was OK"...and " :-) "
She tried a couple times switching the conversation to "neighbours are having a bonfire", and " its starting to rain"
I told her that what was happening at the neighbours wasnt really a concern to me at the moment, and I also told her I had the same weather app.
Later, after 12:30 she said something about dragging this issue out. I told her again that it wouldnt have been dragged out if she just had picked up the phone....
I woke up shortly before 5AM, uncomfortable and not well rested. Pit in my stomach still there.
One of the may lofty things we discussed when we stated dating 18 months ago was how important communication is, honesty, trust respect. Somewhere the wheels came of this communication bus. And, its not my doing. She may say she's ok, but I most certainly was, and am not.
SO at some point said its looking about 50/50 whether shes going to come over here tonight (becuse its dependant on whether the you child needs to be watched in her own home or is going to be able to be moved to another friends home). THe 50/50 odds aren't really making me feel any better...What I'm supposed to get all excited about the possibility of seeing her, only to be dashed again?
I even said to her..."where is this love you profess"... I was referring to the adamant stance she was taking against answering phone. (She tells me she hates the phone..I told her I've seen her use it quite effectively on many occasions. She said to that "yes, but not under duress"
To me, the whole conversation from the get-go at 9PM was a game...a challenge for her. I called her out asked her why she was playing games... her answer was "I'm not....." and then she went on to address another point and we never got back to it.
I'm feeling disappointed over the original backing out of our date, but I would have been better with it, even understanding of it if she had just come straight out and said what the deal was, instead of making me figure it out. I HATE that. And, I have told her this before....actually this isnt the first time I've had to reverse engineer a message.
In fact at one point just around 9:40 last nice She said to me " You get it that tomorrow is Saturday, or do you get it -referring to something else?" She KNEW what she was doing.
Man, am I steamed right now. I cant begin to explain it.
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