I'm on my second marriage. My first marriage was riddled with physical and emotional abuse and his multiple affairs...
I remarried. I thought it was so good. I sincerely thought he'd passed any test I could come up with...he was generous, kind, supportive, sex was fantastic...we loved being together. We were together a couple of years before we married...including almost a year of living together. I guess it was too fast.
I have kids. We don't have kids together. They live here.
He has also been physically abusive to me.
He hasn't hit me in a long time...but he just mostly ignores me no matter what I do now.
I'm afraid of him...but I still wish we could make it work. I don't want to be divorced twice. I love him. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. On the rare occasion that he does show me favor and affection...it fills me up so much. I don't need much to feel happy. I would do almost anything for him. But I have a very hard time sacrificing all of my self-respect for him...he thinks I'm a nag, a shrew, a *****.
This is going to sound so rude and so haughty...but my IQ is a lot higher than his. But we always found common ground before we married...we were extremely content. He seemed to admire my intelligence, and I certainly admired his many practical skills. IQ is not the only measure of intelligence, and he has many gifts! And he's not stupid at all! My IQ is just very high. I really sound like a jerk there...I really do. I know I do.
But it makes him FURIOUS that I'm more intelligent now, so that is why I mention it. He tells me that he is used to being the smart one in his family, and I make him feel stupid.
I have tried everything I know to make him feel good about himself. I praise him for his talents and his special abilities. There are many things he is brilliant at...where I'm an idiot.
But I just cannot make myself pretend to be a drooling moron to appease him. I have had a hard life...one thing I do actually like about myself is my intellect. I cannot sacrifice that for him.
So...he mostly ignores me now. But if I go out anywhere without him (literally if I go to the thrift store or my sister's house or whatever), he goes insane. When I have gotten home, he has left me (temporarily), burnt me with a cigarette, screamed, hit me, etc.
Why does he want me here if he is only going to ignore me?
Now recently I've had an unsettling experience. I am a faithful woman, but I have felt attracted to someone else. I am straight. I have never been with a woman. But this person is a woman, and I feel very drawn to her.
I am NOT going to act on this. I will not put myself in a position to even be tempted to do so. But...what is wrong with me? I'm not gay or bisexual. What is this?
I know what it feels like to be cheated on. Over my dead body will I ever do that to another person, whether they'd been good to me or not. I will NOT act on these feelings...but it sincerely bothers me to even feel it.
We both work full time. He also goes to school full time. I just finished one degree and am going back in the Fall to complete my next. We bring in almost the same amount of income...he makes a few hundred more than me. He won't help me with household chores at all...now, he goes to school and works...so I would not think it was fair for him to do 50% of the housework and childcare. He has a lot on his plate. But can't he do some of it? Like...any of it?
It was much easier to be a single mom...
I just feel like I'm so bad at relationships even though I honestly have the best of intentions...it's heartbreaking.
ETA: Sex is still great when we have it. But we rarely have it. He completely ignores me except when he wants sex once a week or so...it's very hard for me to want to sex with him if I feel resentful...but I don't like to withhold either because #1 I feel like a jerk and #2 I have a high sex drive...
I remarried. I thought it was so good. I sincerely thought he'd passed any test I could come up with...he was generous, kind, supportive, sex was fantastic...we loved being together. We were together a couple of years before we married...including almost a year of living together. I guess it was too fast.
I have kids. We don't have kids together. They live here.
He has also been physically abusive to me.
He hasn't hit me in a long time...but he just mostly ignores me no matter what I do now.
I'm afraid of him...but I still wish we could make it work. I don't want to be divorced twice. I love him. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. On the rare occasion that he does show me favor and affection...it fills me up so much. I don't need much to feel happy. I would do almost anything for him. But I have a very hard time sacrificing all of my self-respect for him...he thinks I'm a nag, a shrew, a *****.
This is going to sound so rude and so haughty...but my IQ is a lot higher than his. But we always found common ground before we married...we were extremely content. He seemed to admire my intelligence, and I certainly admired his many practical skills. IQ is not the only measure of intelligence, and he has many gifts! And he's not stupid at all! My IQ is just very high. I really sound like a jerk there...I really do. I know I do.
But it makes him FURIOUS that I'm more intelligent now, so that is why I mention it. He tells me that he is used to being the smart one in his family, and I make him feel stupid.
I have tried everything I know to make him feel good about himself. I praise him for his talents and his special abilities. There are many things he is brilliant at...where I'm an idiot.
But I just cannot make myself pretend to be a drooling moron to appease him. I have had a hard life...one thing I do actually like about myself is my intellect. I cannot sacrifice that for him.
So...he mostly ignores me now. But if I go out anywhere without him (literally if I go to the thrift store or my sister's house or whatever), he goes insane. When I have gotten home, he has left me (temporarily), burnt me with a cigarette, screamed, hit me, etc.
Why does he want me here if he is only going to ignore me?
Now recently I've had an unsettling experience. I am a faithful woman, but I have felt attracted to someone else. I am straight. I have never been with a woman. But this person is a woman, and I feel very drawn to her.
I am NOT going to act on this. I will not put myself in a position to even be tempted to do so. But...what is wrong with me? I'm not gay or bisexual. What is this?
I know what it feels like to be cheated on. Over my dead body will I ever do that to another person, whether they'd been good to me or not. I will NOT act on these feelings...but it sincerely bothers me to even feel it.
We both work full time. He also goes to school full time. I just finished one degree and am going back in the Fall to complete my next. We bring in almost the same amount of income...he makes a few hundred more than me. He won't help me with household chores at all...now, he goes to school and works...so I would not think it was fair for him to do 50% of the housework and childcare. He has a lot on his plate. But can't he do some of it? Like...any of it?
It was much easier to be a single mom...
I just feel like I'm so bad at relationships even though I honestly have the best of intentions...it's heartbreaking.
ETA: Sex is still great when we have it. But we rarely have it. He completely ignores me except when he wants sex once a week or so...it's very hard for me to want to sex with him if I feel resentful...but I don't like to withhold either because #1 I feel like a jerk and #2 I have a high sex drive...
Put the internet to work for you.
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