I just joined a few days ago and it has been interesting reading the different opinions of the members here. My question is, does a healthy sex life equate to a happy marriage (or maybe vice versa, a happy marriage leads to a healthy sex life)? Now obviously there is probably not one set definition of a healthy sex life in terms of frequently, likes/dislikes, etc... but I would guess a healthy sex life would mean where both people in the marriage are on the same page in terms of their sexual needs.
Part of why I ask this, I have been married for around 15 yrs. I have a beautiful wife, 3 beautiful/healthy young children, fortunate with my career where finances are currently not an issue. I have every reason in the world to be happy with my marriage, yet I find that I am not. My wife and I get along great, we rarely fight, we actually like each other. As I sort all this out in my head I keep going back to one thing though, sex. Sex was always an important part of our relationship, but as we had each kid the sex has gotten less frequent and the amount of time that goes by in between having sex has gotten greater. After our 3rd child (she is 20mos old now) we actually went over a year before we had sex again, and since then I would consider having sex 1-2x a month a good month (been close to a month now so guess I might be getting lucky any day now lol). There are no issues with the sex itself (wife and I agree that the sex is actually better now, more intense, no issues wi th Os, etc...). The biggest issue are the kids, and in particular my 3rd one who has been extremely difficult on my wife since day 1. By the time we finally get settled in it is usually late and my wife is usually wiped out. I completely understand what she is going through, try to help out as much as possible. Given what she is dealing with it is a sensitive issue in that I am not looking to force her to have more sex or put more on her than she is currently dealing with. On the other hand, having sex makes me feel so much closer to my wife, makes me want sex more (which in turn just leaves me frustrated when a month goes by, to the point where I would actually rather not have sex). Quite honestly, having sex once or maybe twice a month is just not enough for me. Right now I feel like I am living with a roommate and not a wife. We keep saying things have to get better, but like I said this has been slowly going downhill since we had our first kid, and really picked up steam after the 3rd. I am willing to be patient, but at what point do you start to worry that things are not going to change?
I should add as well, I do exercise a lot and am in very good shape (in particular of late to the point where the looks/smiles from females has picked up). This is not meant as bragging, but in the past I would usually brush this stuff off easily. Now though I find it just messes with my head even more (even thought about relocating to an all dudes gym lol). I have never acted on nor do I plan on pursuing anyone beyond saying hi back to or smiling back at someone who smiles at me (between my wife and daughter I have all the female I can handle!).
For those people who maybe aren't on the same page as their spouse in terms of sex, do you still feel like you are in a happy marriage? Or maybe sex is off b/c of other problems in the marriage? Do you just willingly accept this is how it is going to be? I have seen some people here obviously be upset about sex (or lack of), others who seem to be ok with the fact that their odds are better winning the lottery. I don't quite know where I stand currently. I am in no way looking to leave my wife, but I am not willing to accept that the best times of our marriage has already past.
Part of why I ask this, I have been married for around 15 yrs. I have a beautiful wife, 3 beautiful/healthy young children, fortunate with my career where finances are currently not an issue. I have every reason in the world to be happy with my marriage, yet I find that I am not. My wife and I get along great, we rarely fight, we actually like each other. As I sort all this out in my head I keep going back to one thing though, sex. Sex was always an important part of our relationship, but as we had each kid the sex has gotten less frequent and the amount of time that goes by in between having sex has gotten greater. After our 3rd child (she is 20mos old now) we actually went over a year before we had sex again, and since then I would consider having sex 1-2x a month a good month (been close to a month now so guess I might be getting lucky any day now lol). There are no issues with the sex itself (wife and I agree that the sex is actually better now, more intense, no issues wi th Os, etc...). The biggest issue are the kids, and in particular my 3rd one who has been extremely difficult on my wife since day 1. By the time we finally get settled in it is usually late and my wife is usually wiped out. I completely understand what she is going through, try to help out as much as possible. Given what she is dealing with it is a sensitive issue in that I am not looking to force her to have more sex or put more on her than she is currently dealing with. On the other hand, having sex makes me feel so much closer to my wife, makes me want sex more (which in turn just leaves me frustrated when a month goes by, to the point where I would actually rather not have sex). Quite honestly, having sex once or maybe twice a month is just not enough for me. Right now I feel like I am living with a roommate and not a wife. We keep saying things have to get better, but like I said this has been slowly going downhill since we had our first kid, and really picked up steam after the 3rd. I am willing to be patient, but at what point do you start to worry that things are not going to change?
I should add as well, I do exercise a lot and am in very good shape (in particular of late to the point where the looks/smiles from females has picked up). This is not meant as bragging, but in the past I would usually brush this stuff off easily. Now though I find it just messes with my head even more (even thought about relocating to an all dudes gym lol). I have never acted on nor do I plan on pursuing anyone beyond saying hi back to or smiling back at someone who smiles at me (between my wife and daughter I have all the female I can handle!).
For those people who maybe aren't on the same page as their spouse in terms of sex, do you still feel like you are in a happy marriage? Or maybe sex is off b/c of other problems in the marriage? Do you just willingly accept this is how it is going to be? I have seen some people here obviously be upset about sex (or lack of), others who seem to be ok with the fact that their odds are better winning the lottery. I don't quite know where I stand currently. I am in no way looking to leave my wife, but I am not willing to accept that the best times of our marriage has already past.
Put the internet to work for you.
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