This post is inspired from the man-child post thread going in the mens clubhouse.
The issues discussed in that thread are actually the biggest issue in our marriage, and I would like to get peoples thoughts on my specific situation.
I go away for 4-5 days every 4-6 weeks to hiking and camping by myself without my family (2 kids, middle school and high school age). Previously it was going to races at about the same frequency, but I dropped that a couple years ago. I also do competitive shooting events without my family for half a day a couple times a month.
My wife says it is selfish to do this. She doesn't understand how I could possibly not want to be with my family at all times, everyday, when I am not at work. She resents that she has to watch the kids, though she admits she enjoys every minute with them and doesn't want to go away to do anything alone anyway. I have offered many times to take off work and let her have some days away when she wants, but she is not interested in going away from the kids.
I agree it is selfish, obviously, because I am doing it for me and me only. But I do not think it is excessive time away. I would absolutely do the same for her (take care of the household and kids) if she did something similar. I did grow up with a strong father figure, so its not that like some speculated in the man-child thread, about men having a poor or no father figure growing up.
I just like doing things periodically that my family can not do (either due to school schedules or they are not old enough, or commonly, just not interested). I was very independent growing up, didnt mind playing by myself as a child or when older, I still don't need to be with people so I am a bit of a loner personality I guess. Sometimes I just want to be by myself for a while. I enjoy the time in the woods alone.
This has built up stress in our marriage over the past 20 years to the point where she wants me to drop my hobbies or else. "Else" has not been specified by her, but she would not want to divorce until the kids are out of the house (again, thinking of the kids before herself as she always does). It would more likely be having a cold, sexless marriage while the kids are in the house, something I could not live with. We have a good sex life currently.
My wife is a great mom. Except for our different views on my activities, she is a great wife. She says I am a great dad to the kids. I am torn here since I know I have a great family and would be stupid to endanger that. But I also like doing things on my own, it makes me a happier person. I am in my 40s, so do I give up on my hobbies that take me away from her periodically for the rest of my life or accept a cold marriage until the kids move out? Or something else?
Thanks for your thoughts...
The issues discussed in that thread are actually the biggest issue in our marriage, and I would like to get peoples thoughts on my specific situation.
I go away for 4-5 days every 4-6 weeks to hiking and camping by myself without my family (2 kids, middle school and high school age). Previously it was going to races at about the same frequency, but I dropped that a couple years ago. I also do competitive shooting events without my family for half a day a couple times a month.
My wife says it is selfish to do this. She doesn't understand how I could possibly not want to be with my family at all times, everyday, when I am not at work. She resents that she has to watch the kids, though she admits she enjoys every minute with them and doesn't want to go away to do anything alone anyway. I have offered many times to take off work and let her have some days away when she wants, but she is not interested in going away from the kids.
I agree it is selfish, obviously, because I am doing it for me and me only. But I do not think it is excessive time away. I would absolutely do the same for her (take care of the household and kids) if she did something similar. I did grow up with a strong father figure, so its not that like some speculated in the man-child thread, about men having a poor or no father figure growing up.
I just like doing things periodically that my family can not do (either due to school schedules or they are not old enough, or commonly, just not interested). I was very independent growing up, didnt mind playing by myself as a child or when older, I still don't need to be with people so I am a bit of a loner personality I guess. Sometimes I just want to be by myself for a while. I enjoy the time in the woods alone.
This has built up stress in our marriage over the past 20 years to the point where she wants me to drop my hobbies or else. "Else" has not been specified by her, but she would not want to divorce until the kids are out of the house (again, thinking of the kids before herself as she always does). It would more likely be having a cold, sexless marriage while the kids are in the house, something I could not live with. We have a good sex life currently.
My wife is a great mom. Except for our different views on my activities, she is a great wife. She says I am a great dad to the kids. I am torn here since I know I have a great family and would be stupid to endanger that. But I also like doing things on my own, it makes me a happier person. I am in my 40s, so do I give up on my hobbies that take me away from her periodically for the rest of my life or accept a cold marriage until the kids move out? Or something else?
Thanks for your thoughts...
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