I am a 44 year old woman who has been married previously and have been divorced now for 11 years. I am currently in a wonderful relationship with a man that I will most likely marry and hope to spend the rest of my life with (which is saying A LOT, as I didn't think I would ever marry again). We have a healthy sex life, a great friendship, and have been able to solve problems well as they come up. There is much to be said for love later in life, as people generally do know themselves much better and know they're needs and what they have to offer. People understand more about compromise. In any case, we do have open discussions about sex and anything else. The relationship is new, we're about 12 months in.
We have talked about the subject of masturbation and my view has been that I don't mind if he wants or needs to do it, as long as it doesn't affect our sex life negatively. In other words, if he is unable to perform because of it or unable to perform to conclusion, I'm not a fan. Lately, I find myself feeling "jealous" or left out if he has done it. We are both open about it, and if I ask he will say, "yes, I did it a few days ago" or "yes, three times over the last couple weeks." It's never excessive and it's usually during times when we haven't had time to connect sexually because of work schedules and sleep patterns. For some reason, knowing that he's done this really seems to bother me now where it didn't in the beginning when we talked about it initially.
I don't understand my feelings; they seem irrational. In general, I believe masturbation is healthy, natural, and can even enhance sex in certain situations for couples. So my feelings are confusing.
I am wondering how others feel, if there are viewpoints I hadn't considered, if it's something I should try not to ask him about to avoid jealousy or feelings of "not being enough". I know that when I do it, it's certainly NOT because he is not enough, it's just a natural urge and usually makes me want him even more. So again, not understanding my new feelings of this bothering me. What place does masturbation have, if any, in others' relationships?
We have talked about the subject of masturbation and my view has been that I don't mind if he wants or needs to do it, as long as it doesn't affect our sex life negatively. In other words, if he is unable to perform because of it or unable to perform to conclusion, I'm not a fan. Lately, I find myself feeling "jealous" or left out if he has done it. We are both open about it, and if I ask he will say, "yes, I did it a few days ago" or "yes, three times over the last couple weeks." It's never excessive and it's usually during times when we haven't had time to connect sexually because of work schedules and sleep patterns. For some reason, knowing that he's done this really seems to bother me now where it didn't in the beginning when we talked about it initially.
I don't understand my feelings; they seem irrational. In general, I believe masturbation is healthy, natural, and can even enhance sex in certain situations for couples. So my feelings are confusing.
I am wondering how others feel, if there are viewpoints I hadn't considered, if it's something I should try not to ask him about to avoid jealousy or feelings of "not being enough". I know that when I do it, it's certainly NOT because he is not enough, it's just a natural urge and usually makes me want him even more. So again, not understanding my new feelings of this bothering me. What place does masturbation have, if any, in others' relationships?
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