I Miss my Wife

Sixteen years have passed since we got married ;

Sixteen years back we had joy we had fun ...

Then get enrolled in real world ,struggled live , and marriage for years .

we reached a point where we even forget special occasions .
we didn't have pics together for years.

we didn't have even time to talk to each other,and later it became a pattern .

cancer of the soul entered slowly in our life .

I might have been a nervous guy , She always been neglecting our needs , my needs ...may be I neglected her needs too which were few pairs of shoes or a new mobile phone....

And after 15 years ; I became so sensitive ; not sure if treating my hormones boosted my D .
I became romantic ...
tried to get love from her ; she was like a rock ; she even avoided celebrating my birthday!

She is a sincere and good mom and wife ; but
sex is just a duty ...

she never ever initiate she is LD.

fed up and angry , I met an ex whom I have never seen for 20 yrs ;and an EA had its place ...

i travelled in a business trip and met her , a PA was very close ;but the inner feeling of guilt made me escape before it happens ;I even was cruel and left without a word...

I came back to my wife confessing about everything ; and didn't hide anything ..

And I became since then the Cheater .
I don't have the strength anymore ;
I use workarounds to approach her; I change myself; I quit bad habbits ; I kick fantasies ; I get humulated ...

I is not a sexual relation I am After l; I need love

I want my Wife back ; the one I met 16 years back.

My 3 Kids are adoring .

My wife is a great person for everybody else ; but for me she wouldn't even move a butt to hand me water when Im in pain .

Q1 :

Did any body use any kind of herbal/med to lower desire ; I need to do this , otherwise my B..lls will explode.

Q2: were there any LD wife succesful story of being able to change ? ( knowing that no medical reason is the cause).

Thanks

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