I already have my friends and family perspective on this and how to handle it. I'm just not sure what to make of the situation. I just don't understand the why and that bothers me.
How we met: The guy is a fireman. His crew came out to my local annual block party. They always do. My stepdad, knowing I'm single and dating, does the, "Oh, ___ go meet the fireman!" So we trade introductions.
Innocent flirting: We engage in some body language only flirting without breaking a physical contact barrier. Everyone jokes to my mom that she better keep an eye on me because "that firefighter is trying to pick up your daughter!" He sticks me in the truck to get a picture, makes jokes about how I grabbed his helmet, blah blah. Then it's time to go. He locks me in the firetruck to say goodbye, comes back and gets in on the other side, winks at me, and asks me where we're headed next. I, missing the memo, say he has another block party to go to and I have a hot dog with my name on it. Get out. They leave. I left my number in his hat. He wasn't wearing a ring and made a comment about the other firefighter being married so I figured he must be single.
Not so innocent: 20 minutes later, they come back. Which is weird. I keep talking to my mom and neighbors. I notice he keeps looking over at me, but I avoid eye contact. We finally make contact, and he winks at me and smiles. So I get up and bring him a cookie, he says, "That was sweet of you, honey." Whatever. Makes a joke about not coming over to my house now because I own a snake. He keeps joking about me bringing treats to the station on his next shift. So finally I told him a note in his helmet. He asks if he should use it, I say yes. Eventually, I'm tired and want to go home since I don't live with my parents. I get ready to go and so he rounds up his crew to leave. Coincidence, no. Before I leave, he says, "So I'll see you Tuesday?" (this was Sunday) and I say yes.
Crossing the line?: Tuesday comes and goes because I'm super busy with my new job and getting my MS. So by the time i go, they are on call. I go back Wed to drop off cookies, but find out they don't work until Sunday. I'm not about to be judged by 5 day old baked goods. So I bake new ones Sunday, throw on a casual but cute outfit, and take them down. He greets me and gives me a tour. Another fireman offered to do it since he is the captain and had a lot to do, but he insisted on giving me the tour himself. Halfway through the tour, I get the sense to ask if he is married due to a previous comment about missing his kid's soccer game and my stepdad said, "A man that age, that together, and that handsome has to be married." Flirty moments:
1) I walk in and it's super hot so I say it's really hot in there to which he replies (lol really? get some better game) it's just you. This happened twice.
The rest of these were AFTER admitting to being married, and I said I don't mess around with married man.
2) I call him out for being flirty when he is married and he says he is just friendly and apologizes if he came off as flirting. Then he asks me if I'm married or have a boyfriend. I said no husband, no boyfriend, so I'm free to flirt but just not with him since he's married. He said something about "you don't mess with married men" but in hindsight I couldn't tell if that was advice or a question. After, he goes on about how most firemen get divorced. And gets really sentimental for a bit. Then, asks me if I could date a guy who was divorced. I said they'd have to really be divorced. Not separated, but legally divorced. With no kids, well maybe kids. He responds, kids are great. You should consider it. Basically felt like he was hinting at something.
3) He tells me, "It's too bad he's married because I'm really cute."
4) He tells me, "Good thing I'm married. If we were together, I'd be 300 lbs." because I'm an excellent baker.
4) On my way out, I said that he was free to give my number to any hot, SINGLE firemen. He said he had one in mind, but the way he said it just felt weird. Idk. Like I didn't trust it.
I mean... I don't even know what I'm asking.
Did he cross a line or was he legit being friendly? Or was he being flirty and that's ok?
Why bother flirting if he's married? Happy or not, seems strange to me.
Don't worry about counseling me not to date him. Like I said, I did that once when both parties (wife and husband) admitted to being separated for 2 years with no chance of reconciliation. I ended up filing for two restraining orders and have criminal charges against the husband. Also, I don't know his home situation. I didn't play 20 ?s about his marriage since I lost interest once I found out about it.
And the why do I care... I'm abnormally hurt by this. I get rejected a lot or I go out with guys and things don't work out. But this was the first time I got the butterflies and met someone who I thought had the complete package. Personality, good lucks, community job like me (I'm a teacher), great with kids, stable... so handsome. That has to be brought up twice. I have pretty good flirting skills, and I felt nervous/ off my game around him which never happens. Idk. I'm just really, for lack of better wording, butthurt over this.
How we met: The guy is a fireman. His crew came out to my local annual block party. They always do. My stepdad, knowing I'm single and dating, does the, "Oh, ___ go meet the fireman!" So we trade introductions.
Innocent flirting: We engage in some body language only flirting without breaking a physical contact barrier. Everyone jokes to my mom that she better keep an eye on me because "that firefighter is trying to pick up your daughter!" He sticks me in the truck to get a picture, makes jokes about how I grabbed his helmet, blah blah. Then it's time to go. He locks me in the firetruck to say goodbye, comes back and gets in on the other side, winks at me, and asks me where we're headed next. I, missing the memo, say he has another block party to go to and I have a hot dog with my name on it. Get out. They leave. I left my number in his hat. He wasn't wearing a ring and made a comment about the other firefighter being married so I figured he must be single.
Not so innocent: 20 minutes later, they come back. Which is weird. I keep talking to my mom and neighbors. I notice he keeps looking over at me, but I avoid eye contact. We finally make contact, and he winks at me and smiles. So I get up and bring him a cookie, he says, "That was sweet of you, honey." Whatever. Makes a joke about not coming over to my house now because I own a snake. He keeps joking about me bringing treats to the station on his next shift. So finally I told him a note in his helmet. He asks if he should use it, I say yes. Eventually, I'm tired and want to go home since I don't live with my parents. I get ready to go and so he rounds up his crew to leave. Coincidence, no. Before I leave, he says, "So I'll see you Tuesday?" (this was Sunday) and I say yes.
Crossing the line?: Tuesday comes and goes because I'm super busy with my new job and getting my MS. So by the time i go, they are on call. I go back Wed to drop off cookies, but find out they don't work until Sunday. I'm not about to be judged by 5 day old baked goods. So I bake new ones Sunday, throw on a casual but cute outfit, and take them down. He greets me and gives me a tour. Another fireman offered to do it since he is the captain and had a lot to do, but he insisted on giving me the tour himself. Halfway through the tour, I get the sense to ask if he is married due to a previous comment about missing his kid's soccer game and my stepdad said, "A man that age, that together, and that handsome has to be married." Flirty moments:
1) I walk in and it's super hot so I say it's really hot in there to which he replies (lol really? get some better game) it's just you. This happened twice.
The rest of these were AFTER admitting to being married, and I said I don't mess around with married man.
2) I call him out for being flirty when he is married and he says he is just friendly and apologizes if he came off as flirting. Then he asks me if I'm married or have a boyfriend. I said no husband, no boyfriend, so I'm free to flirt but just not with him since he's married. He said something about "you don't mess with married men" but in hindsight I couldn't tell if that was advice or a question. After, he goes on about how most firemen get divorced. And gets really sentimental for a bit. Then, asks me if I could date a guy who was divorced. I said they'd have to really be divorced. Not separated, but legally divorced. With no kids, well maybe kids. He responds, kids are great. You should consider it. Basically felt like he was hinting at something.
3) He tells me, "It's too bad he's married because I'm really cute."
4) He tells me, "Good thing I'm married. If we were together, I'd be 300 lbs." because I'm an excellent baker.
4) On my way out, I said that he was free to give my number to any hot, SINGLE firemen. He said he had one in mind, but the way he said it just felt weird. Idk. Like I didn't trust it.
I mean... I don't even know what I'm asking.
Did he cross a line or was he legit being friendly? Or was he being flirty and that's ok?
Why bother flirting if he's married? Happy or not, seems strange to me.
Don't worry about counseling me not to date him. Like I said, I did that once when both parties (wife and husband) admitted to being separated for 2 years with no chance of reconciliation. I ended up filing for two restraining orders and have criminal charges against the husband. Also, I don't know his home situation. I didn't play 20 ?s about his marriage since I lost interest once I found out about it.
And the why do I care... I'm abnormally hurt by this. I get rejected a lot or I go out with guys and things don't work out. But this was the first time I got the butterflies and met someone who I thought had the complete package. Personality, good lucks, community job like me (I'm a teacher), great with kids, stable... so handsome. That has to be brought up twice. I have pretty good flirting skills, and I felt nervous/ off my game around him which never happens. Idk. I'm just really, for lack of better wording, butthurt over this.
Put the internet to work for you.
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