Okay - I lurked here a few months ago and got some ideas, which I put into place, here is my story.
Been married for 12 years. Three children. I admittedly am very selfish. My wife always put me and the kids first, and I always put myself first. I realize that now, and I see how it could have a major impact on how my wife sees me.
About a year ago she became distant. All of her other behaviors are completely text book when I read these forums, of women who were found out to have cheated. She keeps her phone locked at all times (though not always ON her, it does sit on the counter when we are home), but always locked. She used to work late a few times a month. Started going out with her friends more, doing more things outside of the home. One day she came to me and told me how unhappy she was and how she didn't think the marriage was working anymore. I was blown away. I knew I hadn't been perfect, but she seemed completely done. I begged (wrong move) and admittedly have somehow manipulated her into staying through guilt. I know if I acted more in control of my emotions she probably would be gone by now. I feel completely pathetic writing that out. I have made MAJOR changes. I help more, I never say no when she wants to go do something, I clean, I cook, I do anything I can to make her life easier...which as I read more on here is probably not the right thing to do. I am seriously at a loss.
I guess I just cannot believe that she would want to leave unless she had something lined up.
But here is the kicker - I got a VAR, put it in her car about 4-5 months ago and I have never caught her saying or doing anything out of the ordinary. It's hours upon hours of her singing to the radio. A few calls to people, only one I wasn't sure who she was calling, but it was a call about weekend plans involving the kids and I went with her that particular weekend, so it had to be one of her friends. Turns out she almost never even makes a call from the car, almost every call that was made was to me.
I also got a GPS. I've never caught her anywhere she didn't say she was going to be. On the nights she claims to be working late, she is at work. I guess in my paranoia all I can think is maybe someone is picking her up there? Maybe it's a co-worker??
Her phone - It's a work issued phone and I have no access to the bill. She is on it a lot.
She never uses the home computer, I installed a key logger and the only thing she's looked up is recipes.
I feel like I am at a loss. Is there anything else I can do to verify she isn't cheating? Or am I just that bad of a husband that she can't get past the old selfish me and accept that I am genuinely making changes??
I know this is kind of all over the place... I just really have no idea what else to do.
Been married for 12 years. Three children. I admittedly am very selfish. My wife always put me and the kids first, and I always put myself first. I realize that now, and I see how it could have a major impact on how my wife sees me.
About a year ago she became distant. All of her other behaviors are completely text book when I read these forums, of women who were found out to have cheated. She keeps her phone locked at all times (though not always ON her, it does sit on the counter when we are home), but always locked. She used to work late a few times a month. Started going out with her friends more, doing more things outside of the home. One day she came to me and told me how unhappy she was and how she didn't think the marriage was working anymore. I was blown away. I knew I hadn't been perfect, but she seemed completely done. I begged (wrong move) and admittedly have somehow manipulated her into staying through guilt. I know if I acted more in control of my emotions she probably would be gone by now. I feel completely pathetic writing that out. I have made MAJOR changes. I help more, I never say no when she wants to go do something, I clean, I cook, I do anything I can to make her life easier...which as I read more on here is probably not the right thing to do. I am seriously at a loss.
I guess I just cannot believe that she would want to leave unless she had something lined up.
But here is the kicker - I got a VAR, put it in her car about 4-5 months ago and I have never caught her saying or doing anything out of the ordinary. It's hours upon hours of her singing to the radio. A few calls to people, only one I wasn't sure who she was calling, but it was a call about weekend plans involving the kids and I went with her that particular weekend, so it had to be one of her friends. Turns out she almost never even makes a call from the car, almost every call that was made was to me.
I also got a GPS. I've never caught her anywhere she didn't say she was going to be. On the nights she claims to be working late, she is at work. I guess in my paranoia all I can think is maybe someone is picking her up there? Maybe it's a co-worker??
Her phone - It's a work issued phone and I have no access to the bill. She is on it a lot.
She never uses the home computer, I installed a key logger and the only thing she's looked up is recipes.
I feel like I am at a loss. Is there anything else I can do to verify she isn't cheating? Or am I just that bad of a husband that she can't get past the old selfish me and accept that I am genuinely making changes??
I know this is kind of all over the place... I just really have no idea what else to do.
Put the internet to work for you.
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