I met my wife on the internet some 17 years ago and we have been married for 15 years and have 3 children.
For many years I haven't been the perfect husband, and I have been neglecting her and our marriage.
My wife and I both play online games and have done for many years.
Recently I noticed that my wife was spending almost every night playing online games with a couple of "friends"
She also started talking about how we should get separated because she didn't know if she loved me and needed space to "work it out"
I also noticed the way that she would smile and talk to one of these male "friends" over the internet with her headphones on. I knew that look and it haunted me.
I also noticed that she was hiding what she was saying to this guy on the internet, for example when I would walk in she would quickly close programs etc.
So I started digging and found that she was telling him she loved him deeply, wanted him, couldn't wait for the next night etc. I even found that she had talked of him as her real soulmate.
I confronted him and asked him to stay away.
I confronted her.
At first she denied it and said nothing was happening, she continued to lie about different things until slowly it came out that she was having a "cyber affair".
She still lies about some things today like when did you last talk to him? (when I know it was a couple of hours ago) and she says oh not since yesterday for example.
She has tried to say it doesn't mean anything, that it was just a fantasy. That she would never be together with him.
She has tried to say that it was my fault because of the neglect I drove her to it (I don't disagree totally)
I told her that I am willing to save our marriage, that I would try to be a better husband, but that she needed to break off contact with this guy so that we could rebuild on a more solid foundation.
She said most of all he is "a very important friend" that she needed him in her life because she is very depressed (and even said she would suicide if she didn't have this friend because then she would have nothing) and that he is also depressed and she fears for his life should she stop talking to him.
I have tried to no avail to have her imagine if it was me that had done the same and that I wanted to just keep in contact with a girl I "cyber" cheated with because she was a good friend.
Whenever I try to explain these feelings she brings up my neglect and says, well maybe we should just get separated. That she is going to keep in contact with this guy.
I asked her to choose "us" so that we could rebuild, she has said that she loves me and she wants to stay with me, but she has said that she wants to stay in contact with this guy as he is just a "friend" and she promises nothing will happen and they just made a mistake and want to go back to just being friends.
She continues to be "sneaky", contacting him through other means, staying up at night, waking up early to be on the game and still having contact with him.
Its killing me.
I need your advice, how do I save my marriage?
How do I explain to her that if he is still there then I can never trust?
Am I being crazy?
I'm lost. :(
For many years I haven't been the perfect husband, and I have been neglecting her and our marriage.
My wife and I both play online games and have done for many years.
Recently I noticed that my wife was spending almost every night playing online games with a couple of "friends"
She also started talking about how we should get separated because she didn't know if she loved me and needed space to "work it out"
I also noticed the way that she would smile and talk to one of these male "friends" over the internet with her headphones on. I knew that look and it haunted me.
I also noticed that she was hiding what she was saying to this guy on the internet, for example when I would walk in she would quickly close programs etc.
So I started digging and found that she was telling him she loved him deeply, wanted him, couldn't wait for the next night etc. I even found that she had talked of him as her real soulmate.
I confronted him and asked him to stay away.
I confronted her.
At first she denied it and said nothing was happening, she continued to lie about different things until slowly it came out that she was having a "cyber affair".
She still lies about some things today like when did you last talk to him? (when I know it was a couple of hours ago) and she says oh not since yesterday for example.
She has tried to say it doesn't mean anything, that it was just a fantasy. That she would never be together with him.
She has tried to say that it was my fault because of the neglect I drove her to it (I don't disagree totally)
I told her that I am willing to save our marriage, that I would try to be a better husband, but that she needed to break off contact with this guy so that we could rebuild on a more solid foundation.
She said most of all he is "a very important friend" that she needed him in her life because she is very depressed (and even said she would suicide if she didn't have this friend because then she would have nothing) and that he is also depressed and she fears for his life should she stop talking to him.
I have tried to no avail to have her imagine if it was me that had done the same and that I wanted to just keep in contact with a girl I "cyber" cheated with because she was a good friend.
Whenever I try to explain these feelings she brings up my neglect and says, well maybe we should just get separated. That she is going to keep in contact with this guy.
I asked her to choose "us" so that we could rebuild, she has said that she loves me and she wants to stay with me, but she has said that she wants to stay in contact with this guy as he is just a "friend" and she promises nothing will happen and they just made a mistake and want to go back to just being friends.
She continues to be "sneaky", contacting him through other means, staying up at night, waking up early to be on the game and still having contact with him.
Its killing me.
I need your advice, how do I save my marriage?
How do I explain to her that if he is still there then I can never trust?
Am I being crazy?
I'm lost. :(
Put the internet to work for you.
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