My H and I are on a journey to lose weight and get in shape. We started around May 1 by joining a gym (after many months of my nagging to do it).
I would like to lose 30 lbs. I am not sure if I am physically capable of losing that much and still being healthy. Right now I have lost 10 lbs and I haven't lost any weight for the last 2 weeks. (Grr...) I am in the healthy BMI range, 5'9" and size 12. I hate being a size 12 but I've been between 10 and 12 my whole adult life post puberty. My hips are killer. Right now my hip bones stick out. Ain't no way around those when it comes to my size.
Anyway - H has been significantly overweight his whole life. He's about 60 lbs overweight when we started (not too shabby for him comparitively to where he's been at his highest). He has already lost 25 lbs and is losing quickly.
Here's where I am struggling. Doing this together is killing me. We have the same gym routine and diet and it seems so easy for him while I often feel like I am killing myself for those 10 lbs I've lost. It's hard to watch him morph so quickly and feel like I must be doing something wrong.
I'm not here seeking exercise or diet tips. Got plenty of those. I have a trainer. I work out 45-90 mins 6 days a week. Sometimes I go as much as 3 hours a day. No joke. I am venting that I feel like I cannot be supportive of my husband fully when it feels like I am failing in comparison to him.
I also find the diet HARD and he doesn't. We eat so healthy - truly - but I am starving all.of.the.time and he seems to be perfectly content. Being hungry all of the time makes me a pretty big b!tch. We aren't doing any crazy crash diet either. Just clean eating focused on whole foods and charting calories. Calories in vs. Calories out. We have cheat meals now and then. Maybe once every 10 days or so.
I suffer with depression and anxiety. I am medicated. I am seeing a doctor regularly. It is one of the reasons I push so hard at the gym. Trying to help myself out mentally. I still need the meds. Probably won't ever truly be able to give them up.
I am so very hard on myself. I am trying so hard to love myself and my body. I actually purchased and wore a bikini for the first time post - kids two weeks ago. (I probably could've pulled it off before then but was definitely too self conscious). I still feel scared wearing it in public. Like I shouldn't be part of that "club", my body isn't good enough. I see other women bigger than me wearing them confidently so that's why I took the plunge. Those other women look good in them to me even though they are heavier than me. I haven't dared put one on since I was pregnant the first time, 7.5 years ago. I was horrified when trying them on to find one to purchase that I had to get XL bottoms! Otherwise half my butt was hanging out and that was not ok. I was depressed for at least a week that I needed that size.
It is hard. Loving myself is the hardest thing I've ever attempted to do. Doing it side by side with my husband is infinitely harder. I am selfish. I am happy for him but overshadowed by my own anger at myself for falling short. He can't understand. I try not to live by the scale but my eyes deceive me and I see no change when I look in the mirror even though others tell me that I look different. He looks great. I loved him before when he was heavier too. It makes no difference to me.
I can be having a really great day mentally with my journey and then H comes home and announces none of his pants fit and he's dropped a size since last week. And then I spiral into self loathing.
Anyone else been where I am?
I would like to lose 30 lbs. I am not sure if I am physically capable of losing that much and still being healthy. Right now I have lost 10 lbs and I haven't lost any weight for the last 2 weeks. (Grr...) I am in the healthy BMI range, 5'9" and size 12. I hate being a size 12 but I've been between 10 and 12 my whole adult life post puberty. My hips are killer. Right now my hip bones stick out. Ain't no way around those when it comes to my size.
Anyway - H has been significantly overweight his whole life. He's about 60 lbs overweight when we started (not too shabby for him comparitively to where he's been at his highest). He has already lost 25 lbs and is losing quickly.
Here's where I am struggling. Doing this together is killing me. We have the same gym routine and diet and it seems so easy for him while I often feel like I am killing myself for those 10 lbs I've lost. It's hard to watch him morph so quickly and feel like I must be doing something wrong.
I'm not here seeking exercise or diet tips. Got plenty of those. I have a trainer. I work out 45-90 mins 6 days a week. Sometimes I go as much as 3 hours a day. No joke. I am venting that I feel like I cannot be supportive of my husband fully when it feels like I am failing in comparison to him.
I also find the diet HARD and he doesn't. We eat so healthy - truly - but I am starving all.of.the.time and he seems to be perfectly content. Being hungry all of the time makes me a pretty big b!tch. We aren't doing any crazy crash diet either. Just clean eating focused on whole foods and charting calories. Calories in vs. Calories out. We have cheat meals now and then. Maybe once every 10 days or so.
I suffer with depression and anxiety. I am medicated. I am seeing a doctor regularly. It is one of the reasons I push so hard at the gym. Trying to help myself out mentally. I still need the meds. Probably won't ever truly be able to give them up.
I am so very hard on myself. I am trying so hard to love myself and my body. I actually purchased and wore a bikini for the first time post - kids two weeks ago. (I probably could've pulled it off before then but was definitely too self conscious). I still feel scared wearing it in public. Like I shouldn't be part of that "club", my body isn't good enough. I see other women bigger than me wearing them confidently so that's why I took the plunge. Those other women look good in them to me even though they are heavier than me. I haven't dared put one on since I was pregnant the first time, 7.5 years ago. I was horrified when trying them on to find one to purchase that I had to get XL bottoms! Otherwise half my butt was hanging out and that was not ok. I was depressed for at least a week that I needed that size.
It is hard. Loving myself is the hardest thing I've ever attempted to do. Doing it side by side with my husband is infinitely harder. I am selfish. I am happy for him but overshadowed by my own anger at myself for falling short. He can't understand. I try not to live by the scale but my eyes deceive me and I see no change when I look in the mirror even though others tell me that I look different. He looks great. I loved him before when he was heavier too. It makes no difference to me.
I can be having a really great day mentally with my journey and then H comes home and announces none of his pants fit and he's dropped a size since last week. And then I spiral into self loathing.
Anyone else been where I am?
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