As I start to regain control over my life in my relationship I am taking steps to do some of things that I want to do instead of avoiding them because my girlfriend may/will have a problem with them.
I won't go into huge background to our relationship because if you don't know me from my other posts here, you can take a read of them to get up to speed.
The first step in regaining control was to do something I had wanted to do for a long time: a German language course (at my work, with four other colleagues, for 1 hour per week). After living here for six years with a German girlfriend I had not taken a course as she always discouraged me from doing it for various reasons which probably originate from fear and insecurity.
I started the course last week. Doing so was met with criticism, emotional abuse, and a lot of conflict. Things were made even worse when my girlfriend found out that the German teacher is a woman. However, I stood my ground, maintained my calm, responded with empathy and compassion as best I could and am still continuing the course this week.
I'm preparing to take the next step in regaining control of my life and doing something I have wanted to do for a long time: visit my parents, in England; alone.
Usually I visit with my girlfriend. She has always objected to me visiting on my own citing various reasons (e.g. it's not fair to leave her on her own, she claims married couples or long term couples only do this together, reminds me that I said we would always go together----I think I might have to avoid conflict).
When we go together she doesn't want to stay at my parents so we end up in a hotel. So it all gets very expensive for me because she can not afford to pay her half. She also doesn't like to spend too much time with them, meaning so we only see them for a few hours here and a few hours there. So I come away from a weekend visit to them feeling like I've barely seen them! If I go alone I can stay at my parents and spend more quality time with them. I don't have to worry about pleasing her and it's far more affordable (basically just the cost of one return flight instead of 2 returns flights, plus hotel, plus car rental--my parents can pick me up at airport).
I want to go alone because I can spend far more quality time with them compared to if she comes along.
Why am I writing here? Because as I try to regain control over my life I see that what is right and what is wrong are choices for me to make but I'm still under her spell and I still am seeking out approval of other people.
I'd like to ask the question here to get opinions. For both married couples--and long time couples who are unmarried but living together several years--is it okay/fair/acceptable/etc for one of them to fly to the country their parents live in to spend a weekend with their parents alone?
I won't go into huge background to our relationship because if you don't know me from my other posts here, you can take a read of them to get up to speed.
The first step in regaining control was to do something I had wanted to do for a long time: a German language course (at my work, with four other colleagues, for 1 hour per week). After living here for six years with a German girlfriend I had not taken a course as she always discouraged me from doing it for various reasons which probably originate from fear and insecurity.
I started the course last week. Doing so was met with criticism, emotional abuse, and a lot of conflict. Things were made even worse when my girlfriend found out that the German teacher is a woman. However, I stood my ground, maintained my calm, responded with empathy and compassion as best I could and am still continuing the course this week.
I'm preparing to take the next step in regaining control of my life and doing something I have wanted to do for a long time: visit my parents, in England; alone.
Usually I visit with my girlfriend. She has always objected to me visiting on my own citing various reasons (e.g. it's not fair to leave her on her own, she claims married couples or long term couples only do this together, reminds me that I said we would always go together----I think I might have to avoid conflict).
When we go together she doesn't want to stay at my parents so we end up in a hotel. So it all gets very expensive for me because she can not afford to pay her half. She also doesn't like to spend too much time with them, meaning so we only see them for a few hours here and a few hours there. So I come away from a weekend visit to them feeling like I've barely seen them! If I go alone I can stay at my parents and spend more quality time with them. I don't have to worry about pleasing her and it's far more affordable (basically just the cost of one return flight instead of 2 returns flights, plus hotel, plus car rental--my parents can pick me up at airport).
I want to go alone because I can spend far more quality time with them compared to if she comes along.
Why am I writing here? Because as I try to regain control over my life I see that what is right and what is wrong are choices for me to make but I'm still under her spell and I still am seeking out approval of other people.
I'd like to ask the question here to get opinions. For both married couples--and long time couples who are unmarried but living together several years--is it okay/fair/acceptable/etc for one of them to fly to the country their parents live in to spend a weekend with their parents alone?
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