I was on here from oct 2012 to oct 2013. I don't think many will remember me on here. Anyway here's some background:
Married 2000
No kids
Sep 26, 2012 ILYBINILWY
Nov 24, 2012 found out about posOW
May 2013 find out posOW expecting
Jan 2014 baby born
So it's been 2.5 years since this started. I've come back because I need to let go completely. I've kind of let go but then find I'm back where I started. I know he is in crisis, with accompanying addiction, identity issues, and unresolved childhood issues and lifelong repressed emotions.
H (yes, still married) is still with posOW but deeply unhappy. She is mega controlling, violent, abusive, and totally borderline (BPD).
I have done a lot of work on detaching but just not enough. He lives some distance away so he is not in my face. I've not seen him for over a year and a half. I mostly just let him be and he never contacts me at all tho will return a text if it's about finances or similar. I think the problem has been that I have expectations of him changing. It's not that I'm chasing him, it s my expectations. The only time I contact him is when I need to remind him about a bill. He pays only one bill, my course fees. Our finances are separate.
I know it sounds mad that is 2.5 years and we're not divorced. Because of his crisis, I decided to let him run with it, knowing absolutely he is not the man I married and is going through a mental crisis.
I don't know any more how I feel about him. He has completely changed personality and is very very distant with me.i am completely different from the person he left in 2012, never mind back when we got married in 2000. I wonder if we were to meet as strangers would I want to be with him? Things to think on definitely.
So, bring in the two by fours! :smthumbup:
Married 2000
No kids
Sep 26, 2012 ILYBINILWY
Nov 24, 2012 found out about posOW
May 2013 find out posOW expecting
Jan 2014 baby born
So it's been 2.5 years since this started. I've come back because I need to let go completely. I've kind of let go but then find I'm back where I started. I know he is in crisis, with accompanying addiction, identity issues, and unresolved childhood issues and lifelong repressed emotions.
H (yes, still married) is still with posOW but deeply unhappy. She is mega controlling, violent, abusive, and totally borderline (BPD).
I have done a lot of work on detaching but just not enough. He lives some distance away so he is not in my face. I've not seen him for over a year and a half. I mostly just let him be and he never contacts me at all tho will return a text if it's about finances or similar. I think the problem has been that I have expectations of him changing. It's not that I'm chasing him, it s my expectations. The only time I contact him is when I need to remind him about a bill. He pays only one bill, my course fees. Our finances are separate.
I know it sounds mad that is 2.5 years and we're not divorced. Because of his crisis, I decided to let him run with it, knowing absolutely he is not the man I married and is going through a mental crisis.
I don't know any more how I feel about him. He has completely changed personality and is very very distant with me.i am completely different from the person he left in 2012, never mind back when we got married in 2000. I wonder if we were to meet as strangers would I want to be with him? Things to think on definitely.
So, bring in the two by fours! :smthumbup:
Put the internet to work for you.
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