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Feeling like I'm in a relationship when I'm not?????

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There's a guy who I'm involved with who I don't think I'm in a relationship with but I kind of *feel* like I am??? Like I wanna talk to him every day but he doesn't talk to me that much, and we basically agreed it's ok for us to have sex with other people but we don't (well...I don't *much*), and I don't want to (idk how much he does)?? I mean, part of me does cos he lives really far away and I'm horny but I don't want to have casual sex with someone and then have sex with him, because I don't like the idea of juggling sexual partners, but I don't know if that's irrational prudery. Not long after I last saw the guy I'm involved with I saw a guy who I'm friends with who I've done casual sex and handholding and stuff quite a bit since my last relationship ended, and I cuddled him and sat on his lap a bit and leaned in to kiss him but it felt wrong somehow? It was like, 'you are not my kissing and cuddling person'??? What's going on here????

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