I have been in my current marriage for 6 years, this is my second marriage my first lasted 7 years, and I can't tell if it's love or manipulation. We moved very fast when we got married I had only been divorced for a few months when we started dating and were then married just a few months after that. I felt it was to fast but he was insistent and I'm a very passive person so I went with it. I have one daughter from my first marriage he has 3 daughters from a previous relationship and together we have had two that is a total of 6 kids. During our first two years of marriage his ex made it near to impossible for us to see the 3 girls then she went to prison and we got custody of the girls. At that time I was pregnant and bed rested with a baby not even a year old. And our marriage was already in the toilet. Then the girls came they were 7,5,3 and out of control. My husband wasn't much help with them so it was all left up to me. I gave birth to my last baby 6 weeks early because there was no way for me to be able to stay in bed. During my pregnancies he put his hands on me and would yell in my face to the point that my neighbors would come pull him away from me. He never hit me hard mostly held me down. Now fast forward 4 years and it has been about a year and a half since he has put his hands on me but every time he gets angry I'm afraid. I love my step daughters as my own I actually get offended when people say I'm just a step mom because I'm not I'm their mommy! Their bio mom is a drug addict that is in and out of prison all the time. I'm all they have. I never went back to work after my last pregnancy because the cost of child care. I'm not a good stay at home mom I hate being stuck at home but I love getting to raise my kids. My husband and I fight almost daily he is very aggressive and I'm very passive. I'll always give in to avoid conflict. I have fun with my kids I take them everywhere! So now to my problem I'm all set to leave and I can't talk to my husband without conflict so I always write him letters that way I can say what I need to without fighting. I told him I was leaving because I couldn't live this life anymore. We live in a two bedroom apartment where he works. He does make ok money but he spends it very poorly so we cannot afford a house. I've tried going back to work but every time he makes it impossible for me to do so. SO when he read the letter rather than talking to me he told the girls I was leaving. I didn't even know what to say to them at that very moment I was in too much shock that he would do that to them. I finally sat them down and explained things to them in a way that they might understand. Of course they were crying and asking why they couldn't come with me. That was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life! So now it's been a few days since I told him I was leaving and still 3 days before I do leave and he is being the husband and father that I've always wanted and needed him to be. I feel it's just a show to keep me. But it feels so good! And I'm so worried about my girls. They won't have any one to watch them after school or to help them with homework nothing. And he will be left without a car, we share a car and it's mine. I do love him I can't tell you why I do there is more reason to dislike him but I do. I just need some advice. Is it worth staying and feeling worthless and depressed or to leave and have the pain of losing and leaving my 3 girls behind? I'm not a dumb woman I've just been a naïve woman. Any advice from someone who has had a similar experience would be greatly appreciated!
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