Let me firstly say, I am not looking to be bashed or be argumentative.
With that being said, some back history.
We meet in 2008. Started dating in 2009. Married in October 2011.
We are the same age. I have 2 children from a previous relationship, and he has one with a previous.
This man is far more than my husband, he has been my best friend since I found out of his existence. I have no once ever been so comfortable with another person. Nor have I ever loved another so deeply. Neither of us exactly have the best relationship history, and I can admit I am not exactly the sanest person when it comes to love. Him knowing all this, married me anyway.
Problems began when I was promoted at work and my schedule was changed. I was at work a lot and always stressed. I started talking to people on social media when I was unable to speak to my husband. I began to feel as though I wasn't good enough for him and started seeking attention elsewhere. I tried discussing my concerns with him about the lack of affection and time together, him telling me I have nothing to worry about, but in my mind, I still feel as if I have always been competing with someone or something.
I left him last year, for a few months. For whatever reason I thought that I could be happier elsewhere and chose to separate from him. It didn't last long, as he was always on my mind. I was constantly missing him and thinking of what could be if we worked on things. So after 3 months, we decided to work on things.
Upon doing so, I made it very clear that I did not want him speaking to his ex, as they were together when he and I had met, and for whatever reason he was communicating with her again. After pleading with him, he stopped and told her he was going to choose his marriage over her.
Fast forward. Things took a turn for the worse, again. Nothing was being worked on, I still have that constant fear of being worthless, and work, still was taking a lot of my time. (He was not working at this time due to his disability, he has a form of muscular dystrophy). I told him that I was sorry that I just couldn't do it, it was too much. I felt like I was the only one who was giving it anything and was getting nothing in return.
7 months later, here we are... again, him saying he misses me, and loves me. He wants his family to work, he wants our marriage to work. I avoid his comments for so long. I was actively dating another man and trying to keep my mind (and heart) away from my husband. I made the decision to tell the man I was dating that I did not feel comfortable being with him while my husband was still a big part of my thought process. That it was not fair to him, and I was sorry that I ever thought that I could have something before getting over the later.
Now, my husband is staying with a friend of his, who has a sister that lives there as well. They have slept together during this separation. I found this out, AFTER, days of meeting with him to discuss our marriage and what to do next. Again, same thing, he loves me he wants to work on things. He doesn't trust me, but doesn't want to be without me. However, this sister of his friends and he are apparently really good friends now, and he says he is not going to jeopardize that friendship because he doesn't trust that I won't leave him again. The girl and I have never met. He did tell her, and show me, that he wanted to work on things with me. She still texts and calls him. He is still over at her house where has been staying at least once a day. I am not at all comfortable with that.
I messed up. Not once, but twice. I have a lot to work on and prove that I want to be with him. I know deep down that he is the man I am supposed to be with, grow old with.
So, opinions... should I step back and let him have this friend that he has previously been intimate with, put my foot down and say it's her or me, or just walk away? I am very torn. I know that the choices I made in our marriage has led up to this, but I also know that if we both want it to work, then we would be doing everything we can to not hurt each other anymore.
With that being said, some back history.
We meet in 2008. Started dating in 2009. Married in October 2011.
We are the same age. I have 2 children from a previous relationship, and he has one with a previous.
This man is far more than my husband, he has been my best friend since I found out of his existence. I have no once ever been so comfortable with another person. Nor have I ever loved another so deeply. Neither of us exactly have the best relationship history, and I can admit I am not exactly the sanest person when it comes to love. Him knowing all this, married me anyway.
Problems began when I was promoted at work and my schedule was changed. I was at work a lot and always stressed. I started talking to people on social media when I was unable to speak to my husband. I began to feel as though I wasn't good enough for him and started seeking attention elsewhere. I tried discussing my concerns with him about the lack of affection and time together, him telling me I have nothing to worry about, but in my mind, I still feel as if I have always been competing with someone or something.
I left him last year, for a few months. For whatever reason I thought that I could be happier elsewhere and chose to separate from him. It didn't last long, as he was always on my mind. I was constantly missing him and thinking of what could be if we worked on things. So after 3 months, we decided to work on things.
Upon doing so, I made it very clear that I did not want him speaking to his ex, as they were together when he and I had met, and for whatever reason he was communicating with her again. After pleading with him, he stopped and told her he was going to choose his marriage over her.
Fast forward. Things took a turn for the worse, again. Nothing was being worked on, I still have that constant fear of being worthless, and work, still was taking a lot of my time. (He was not working at this time due to his disability, he has a form of muscular dystrophy). I told him that I was sorry that I just couldn't do it, it was too much. I felt like I was the only one who was giving it anything and was getting nothing in return.
7 months later, here we are... again, him saying he misses me, and loves me. He wants his family to work, he wants our marriage to work. I avoid his comments for so long. I was actively dating another man and trying to keep my mind (and heart) away from my husband. I made the decision to tell the man I was dating that I did not feel comfortable being with him while my husband was still a big part of my thought process. That it was not fair to him, and I was sorry that I ever thought that I could have something before getting over the later.
Now, my husband is staying with a friend of his, who has a sister that lives there as well. They have slept together during this separation. I found this out, AFTER, days of meeting with him to discuss our marriage and what to do next. Again, same thing, he loves me he wants to work on things. He doesn't trust me, but doesn't want to be without me. However, this sister of his friends and he are apparently really good friends now, and he says he is not going to jeopardize that friendship because he doesn't trust that I won't leave him again. The girl and I have never met. He did tell her, and show me, that he wanted to work on things with me. She still texts and calls him. He is still over at her house where has been staying at least once a day. I am not at all comfortable with that.
I messed up. Not once, but twice. I have a lot to work on and prove that I want to be with him. I know deep down that he is the man I am supposed to be with, grow old with.
So, opinions... should I step back and let him have this friend that he has previously been intimate with, put my foot down and say it's her or me, or just walk away? I am very torn. I know that the choices I made in our marriage has led up to this, but I also know that if we both want it to work, then we would be doing everything we can to not hurt each other anymore.
Put the internet to work for you.
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