Sorry if this thread is too petty or sad, but it's something I have to get off my chest. If you can't be bothered to read it all, because it might be too long, then dont read it at all.
I'm a Pakistani, 20 years old, born in this country. My father was born in this country but my mother wasn't. I have had a very painful experience growing up. I have parents who always tried to close me off from the outside world, who often gave us lectures about how we will never become anything in life if we ever make a B, who often told us we can't major in whatever we want it has to be a science we major in, who often stopped us from being too social in high school and in most cases who often tried to control what we like and how we view the world. Ever since I was 6-7 years old, I have suffered child abuse. When I was in primary school, I got reports at the end of each academic year; everyone had it. In those reports stated how good I am in each subject and so on. Whenever I got bad reports, they would physically abuse me. I'm not talking about slapping me around; I'm talking about proper physical abuse such as getting the stick off the mop and beating me and kicking my head with steel toe cap boots. When I got good reports, they wouldn't congratulate me, they would say, "That's how it's supossed to be." All of this reports stuff continued up to the end of high school.
Since my dead worked and still does, work in a factory, every time I got bad results or bad news from a teacher, I would get verbal and physical abuse on how I'm a worthless piece of shi*. I would get a lectuer from my dad on how he has to get up at 5 am everyday and work in a factory doing a shi* job. First of all, I'm not the one who told him to work in a factory or not go to university. When he was in college, one day he skipped it and went to town to eat chips and his aunt caught him. That's not my fault. It was his descision to skip college and work in a factory; and ever since he has put that burden on me.
This physical and verbal abuse went on for over 10 years. My mother wasn't any different. She used to physically beat me, but not to the extent my father did. My mother got her shoes and beat me, which gave me severe bruises; she also kicked me and punched me. This was only when she had the opportunity to. If i had spilled something or said something she didn't like, or got bad reports, she would beat me.
4 years ago, when I was in high school, I left school early with a friend because we didn't have any lessons. We went into town to get a bite to eat. Once we finished eating, he said, "Are you sure you don't need to be anywhere?" At that moment I remembered that I had a doctors appointment, which was about 15 minutes away. So, as soon as we finished eating, I walked home so fast; I was so petrified because I knew they were gonna beat me and guess what? They did. As soon as I opoened the front door, both my mother and father were by the stairs. They told me that I had a doctors appointment and I told them I forgot. That day, my father grabbed me by my throat and smashed my head against the wall, kicked me, punched me. Honest to God, if I had a camera and recorded all the things they did to me when I was young, they would be in jail.
When I was about 14 years old, I used to play this online football game called Power Soccer. One day, he dad was watching a football match, it was Arsenal playing and they were losing. While he was watching the game, I was playing my football game and my sister was watching it too. Because they were losing, my dad got pissed off and said to my sister you can have the remote. She asked me to throw the remote to her and I said, 2 mins", she said, "Ok". My dad got angry and pissed off, he went in the kitchen and got a knife and as soon as I saw him with the kinfe, I ran upstairs into my mums bedroom. He started swearing at me and said, "I'm going to fu**** kill you" multiple times. My mother tried to stop him and eventually he calmed down and went back downstairs. My mother asked me what happened and I told her, I was just playing a game and het got a knife. If my mother wasn't in her room or in the bathroom, i would've probably been stabbed.
I honestly can't tell you the amount of times I've been slapped, kicked, punched, strangled, hit with steel toe boots, mop sticks, shoes. All of these gave me bruises and marks on my body, but fortunately have faded.
They now a lot of times ask me, "Why don't you sit with us or talk to us; you're always in you're room." Their abuse contributes quite a lot, but I don't think it's the entire cause. I believe it's how your parents interact with you and talk to you or even talk to others about you. You know how you're sitting there with your parents and your aunts and uncles and they'll talk about their children, aka you, your siblings, and your cousins. And it depends on if your parents hug or touch you, and the trust. My parents didn't touch us much after the kid phase. My parents spoke to us condescendingly. I rarely go to my parents with problems. I guess the emotional trust isn't there. I will not go to my mum with my problems because she will criticize and yell all over the place. And they wonder why don't talk to them. People will say that it's culture or tradition, but it's not right. Chinese people eat cats, dogs and other insects; it's their tradition, but it doesnt make it right. Culture is a product of tradition.
This has been a favorite quote of mine:
"You know what tradition is, right? It's the irrational sh*t nobody would ever voluntarily adopt for themselves, so it's forced upon them by their parents and peers.
Fu*k tradition, and fu*k culture. Anybody's culture.
I am a culture of one. I don't wish to be categorized because I do not define myself by any category."
I really, really envy the way white people treat their children and how they can talk about anything. If you have parents that listen to you and talk to you as a human being, you're lucky. My dad would just bullsh*t up things until the conversation becomes things that you can't prove, then he "wins". All my friend's have folks that are not just parents. They seem like they would be the best of friends with their own kids. Completely the opposite in my household. I rarely share anything personal with my mum or dad. The way they act has irreparably ruined any parental bond. And lastly, I will never marry a south Asian woman because I don't want my children suffering the same BS I did. I'm going to university in Sept, so I'll just go wild from there.
Put the internet to work for you.
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