I don't know if I will be able to share all I want to share here, as it will be a very long post. I am feeling very lost and hope to see some light from some guidance here.
I am married to my husband for 13 years now, and I knew him for 4 years before getting married to him. I need to put this down that I am more highly educated than him and have a better paying job. He has always been trying to start his own business, but nothing seems to work and so he has been driving a cab now. I pay for all the household expenses. He helps out as and when he wishes to and I have never ever asked him for any financial assistance because I know he is struggling. I don't even know how much he earns and what he does with his money. All I know is that he sends money back to his mum who stays in another country. I have also never ever put out in any way, showing him that I am the one with the better earning power.
We have 2 kids and I am the one paying attention to all their needs and even their studies. I work full time and have a domestic helper at home who helps out with the chores and taking care of the children when we are not home. He does not help at any chores at all and just orders the maid to do every single thing. Even when he is at home he refuses to fetch the children from school sometimes and asks the maid to do so. He will stay home and watch tv.
He is like that because he is the oldest and the only son. His mum and sisters have always 'worshipped' him and for that reason he thinks he is above everyone. He is also very good looking, but I am just average. No one has ever argued with him and always allowing him to have his own way. His parents never forced him to study far and for that reason, he didn't complete his university education.
But he is very loving to his mum and sisters. Even if they argue, they make up almost immediately and he is always showing love, care and concern to them. However, he never shows any love, care or concern towards me nowadays. We have argued and we can go without talking for an entire week.
I always buy him presents, but he has never done the same. He was very loving when we were dating and when we first got married. But not anymore. He doesn't even look at me when talking to me. He never holds my hand and doesn't even initiate when we go to bed at night. I am the one who always is loving towards him and initiating when we are in bed at night.
He is like that only towards me, I don't understand why. Towards his mum and sisters, he is never like that. When we argue, he scolds vulgarity and puts all the blame on me. He tells me to do this and that and then gets angry when I don't get it done. I already have a lot on my plate, yet he doesn't help. All he does is sleep, eat, watch tv, use the PC and then go to work. He rather spend an hour or so after work with his friends, rather than come home early to be with his wife. He won't talk to me everyday, but he will call his mum everyday and talk to her.
I write notes to him, send loving text messages to him, but I get nothing in return. When I try to share my worries with him, he says I am talking nonsense and refuses to see the problem. In the end I just keep quiet coz I don't want to escalate the problem which might affect the kids. When we are out, I always let him do as he wishes, eat wherever he wants, shop wherever he wants. But when I want to shop, he gets irritated and asks me to hurry up. So now, I don't even go shopping for myself with him. I rather go alone.
We go on holidays which I pay most of it. Even when we return to his home country to visit his family, I pay the bulk of it. And he does not decline my help. He knows he needs my help and sometimes gets angry when I am unable to help him. In the early days of courtship when he was trying to start his business, I helped financially whenever I could. Yet he says he has not succeeded coz of me. He says I have never supported him and I have always been against his wishes.
I don't mind all this as money is not of importance to me. All I am asking for is for him to show me some love, care, concern and appreciation for all that I am doing. I never nag and I never force him for anything. He has never gotten me a birthday present, but I have always done that. In fact I even buy presents for his mum and sisters.
I don't know what more I need to do now. I am lost and am trying so so hard. Why is he like that towards me? I am trying my best to keep him happy and I never add on to any of his stress.
Can he not see that? What more do I need to do now??
I am married to my husband for 13 years now, and I knew him for 4 years before getting married to him. I need to put this down that I am more highly educated than him and have a better paying job. He has always been trying to start his own business, but nothing seems to work and so he has been driving a cab now. I pay for all the household expenses. He helps out as and when he wishes to and I have never ever asked him for any financial assistance because I know he is struggling. I don't even know how much he earns and what he does with his money. All I know is that he sends money back to his mum who stays in another country. I have also never ever put out in any way, showing him that I am the one with the better earning power.
We have 2 kids and I am the one paying attention to all their needs and even their studies. I work full time and have a domestic helper at home who helps out with the chores and taking care of the children when we are not home. He does not help at any chores at all and just orders the maid to do every single thing. Even when he is at home he refuses to fetch the children from school sometimes and asks the maid to do so. He will stay home and watch tv.
He is like that because he is the oldest and the only son. His mum and sisters have always 'worshipped' him and for that reason he thinks he is above everyone. He is also very good looking, but I am just average. No one has ever argued with him and always allowing him to have his own way. His parents never forced him to study far and for that reason, he didn't complete his university education.
But he is very loving to his mum and sisters. Even if they argue, they make up almost immediately and he is always showing love, care and concern to them. However, he never shows any love, care or concern towards me nowadays. We have argued and we can go without talking for an entire week.
I always buy him presents, but he has never done the same. He was very loving when we were dating and when we first got married. But not anymore. He doesn't even look at me when talking to me. He never holds my hand and doesn't even initiate when we go to bed at night. I am the one who always is loving towards him and initiating when we are in bed at night.
He is like that only towards me, I don't understand why. Towards his mum and sisters, he is never like that. When we argue, he scolds vulgarity and puts all the blame on me. He tells me to do this and that and then gets angry when I don't get it done. I already have a lot on my plate, yet he doesn't help. All he does is sleep, eat, watch tv, use the PC and then go to work. He rather spend an hour or so after work with his friends, rather than come home early to be with his wife. He won't talk to me everyday, but he will call his mum everyday and talk to her.
I write notes to him, send loving text messages to him, but I get nothing in return. When I try to share my worries with him, he says I am talking nonsense and refuses to see the problem. In the end I just keep quiet coz I don't want to escalate the problem which might affect the kids. When we are out, I always let him do as he wishes, eat wherever he wants, shop wherever he wants. But when I want to shop, he gets irritated and asks me to hurry up. So now, I don't even go shopping for myself with him. I rather go alone.
We go on holidays which I pay most of it. Even when we return to his home country to visit his family, I pay the bulk of it. And he does not decline my help. He knows he needs my help and sometimes gets angry when I am unable to help him. In the early days of courtship when he was trying to start his business, I helped financially whenever I could. Yet he says he has not succeeded coz of me. He says I have never supported him and I have always been against his wishes.
I don't mind all this as money is not of importance to me. All I am asking for is for him to show me some love, care, concern and appreciation for all that I am doing. I never nag and I never force him for anything. He has never gotten me a birthday present, but I have always done that. In fact I even buy presents for his mum and sisters.
I don't know what more I need to do now. I am lost and am trying so so hard. Why is he like that towards me? I am trying my best to keep him happy and I never add on to any of his stress.
Can he not see that? What more do I need to do now??
Put the internet to work for you.
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