An affair is an affair...right?
I found out 2 months ago my wife had an ONS with a former friend of mine 13 years ago before we started having kids. The way I found out was almost as bad. We were at a wedding and the guy was there. "Supposedly" she had not talked with him, since that night. She claims the ONS was a horrible mistake she made as an immature, selfish 25 year old girl and has always regretted the event. The night consisted of making out after a night of partying, but no sex. At the recent wedding, this douche starts hitting on her. She did not tell me because of being scared I would find out about the past. During the night I sensed this guy may have been coming onto her, but I thought maybe I was just being jealous while intoxicated. The next day I found her text to a friend that revealed she was freaking out the night before when he was hitting on her, but the text also revealed something had happened in the past. Also, the text showed she turned him down when he tried to get her to talk with him in his room. I confronted her and she came clean about the past. I also called him to ask WTF he was thinking making passes at my wife. He apologized and said he was drunk not conscious of what he was doing...BS!
I am so angry at her for the past, but also for not respecting our relationship at the wedding. Because of how I found out I think she enjoyed his attention that night and may have been flirting in her drunken state, but she disagrees. She accepts full responsibility about not acting appropriate both nights, but states there was no attraction or lust towards him. A side note, my wife suffers from depression & anxiety. After the big blow up, She went to see a psych and set up MC for us in an effort to be stronger and try to save our marriage. We have been together for 20 years and married for 15. For the most part I feel we have had a good marriage, but not perfect. Since having 3 kids and maturing, our relationship has gotten better with time. I am devastated and feel like the event happened 10 minutes ago. I guess I've been trying to rationalize the events to make it easier on myself, but ultimately I know my wife broke our vows. The thoughts are consuming me. I wa nt to leave her, but my heart breaks even more when I think about our 3 young kids. Part of me wants to believe her, but the other part tells me our love will never be the same. She is remorseful for everything and working hard to save our marriage. Am I being extreme?
I found out 2 months ago my wife had an ONS with a former friend of mine 13 years ago before we started having kids. The way I found out was almost as bad. We were at a wedding and the guy was there. "Supposedly" she had not talked with him, since that night. She claims the ONS was a horrible mistake she made as an immature, selfish 25 year old girl and has always regretted the event. The night consisted of making out after a night of partying, but no sex. At the recent wedding, this douche starts hitting on her. She did not tell me because of being scared I would find out about the past. During the night I sensed this guy may have been coming onto her, but I thought maybe I was just being jealous while intoxicated. The next day I found her text to a friend that revealed she was freaking out the night before when he was hitting on her, but the text also revealed something had happened in the past. Also, the text showed she turned him down when he tried to get her to talk with him in his room. I confronted her and she came clean about the past. I also called him to ask WTF he was thinking making passes at my wife. He apologized and said he was drunk not conscious of what he was doing...BS!
I am so angry at her for the past, but also for not respecting our relationship at the wedding. Because of how I found out I think she enjoyed his attention that night and may have been flirting in her drunken state, but she disagrees. She accepts full responsibility about not acting appropriate both nights, but states there was no attraction or lust towards him. A side note, my wife suffers from depression & anxiety. After the big blow up, She went to see a psych and set up MC for us in an effort to be stronger and try to save our marriage. We have been together for 20 years and married for 15. For the most part I feel we have had a good marriage, but not perfect. Since having 3 kids and maturing, our relationship has gotten better with time. I am devastated and feel like the event happened 10 minutes ago. I guess I've been trying to rationalize the events to make it easier on myself, but ultimately I know my wife broke our vows. The thoughts are consuming me. I wa nt to leave her, but my heart breaks even more when I think about our 3 young kids. Part of me wants to believe her, but the other part tells me our love will never be the same. She is remorseful for everything and working hard to save our marriage. Am I being extreme?
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