Hello, I need some advice, I'm sure there are many post about similar things but want to explain my position. My wife and I have been together 8 years, 1 year of that as a married couple.
We have never had any issues before and we had complete trust for one another. I had been very stressed with work, moving to another country with possible unrest in the future with another relocation in the same job. I have been unhappy with work but don't feel I have any other choice at the moment as the money is so good and I wanted to build the life we always spoke about.
My wife relocated with me which required her to leave her job. She got a new job which was nothing special for her as she is very career driven. She began to sink, feelings of being lost not seeing a future for herself and had no idea what she wanted (never said the marriage was an issue, just her career worries). She eventually got some focus on what she wanted to do and went for it with my full support, which required us to do long distance. She went through the application process which was very stressful but eventually she did not make the cut due to having a very minor spinal defect which isn't noticeable or have any effect on her.
The morning after the night she got her rejection I had to leave for a course for a month. Her boss who was very supportive and helpful during her application process offered to take her to play some golf, not something my wife had ever done but was sold it as being something new to distract her from her negative thoughts, she let me know prior to see if it was ok, I had no issues of trust and didn't see it as being an issue, and to top it off my wife is 24 and he is 53.
Nothing happened but expressed that she really enjoyed golf and would want to give it another go, I was encouraging her to pursue whatever she enjoyed. She went again and he started confessing all his marital problems. He then confessed in the following days his feelings towards her, she didn't say anything at the time but did a few days later. He convinced her to stay late after work which they eventually kissed, but immediately after came home to me and had a breakdown, saying we were too young to get married and that she didn't know if she ever wants to be married. I gave her the cold shoulder at that point as I was hurt. She didn't confess to kissing him until the end of the following week at which point she went back to stay with her parents to clear her head. She later confessed that in that week prior to going to her parents she had kissed him again and again and even gave him oral sex, she stands by she wasn't comfortable with doing that but that he was persisting on having sex and saw it as a way to keep him quiet.
My wife has had deep lows throughout her life since her dad died when she was 7, it only became apparent that depression might have been the issue looking back and that if we addressed it this wouldn't have happened. This OM told her everything she wanted to hear, promised her this fantasy world that in her state she believed was possible. This affair last 3 weeks in total with 2 weeks of the kissing and oral sex once, she has done everything all these forums say, complete transparency, passwords, checking in and everything physically possible, she is constantly having panic attack worried about my decision to leave. I have a high moral code (something I truly believe she shared but was so confused that she lost it) and before this I would have said kissing another man would be an ender, but it's not that simple now I'm actually in this position but at this moment I can barely look at her. How can I trust her? how can I truly forgive her? Was she really so lost and low or is she just using that to justify her actions ( she accepts full responsibility and will do anything but does keep saying that I know her and I also know how much she was struggling at the time this all happened)
Sorry for the really long post!
We have never had any issues before and we had complete trust for one another. I had been very stressed with work, moving to another country with possible unrest in the future with another relocation in the same job. I have been unhappy with work but don't feel I have any other choice at the moment as the money is so good and I wanted to build the life we always spoke about.
My wife relocated with me which required her to leave her job. She got a new job which was nothing special for her as she is very career driven. She began to sink, feelings of being lost not seeing a future for herself and had no idea what she wanted (never said the marriage was an issue, just her career worries). She eventually got some focus on what she wanted to do and went for it with my full support, which required us to do long distance. She went through the application process which was very stressful but eventually she did not make the cut due to having a very minor spinal defect which isn't noticeable or have any effect on her.
The morning after the night she got her rejection I had to leave for a course for a month. Her boss who was very supportive and helpful during her application process offered to take her to play some golf, not something my wife had ever done but was sold it as being something new to distract her from her negative thoughts, she let me know prior to see if it was ok, I had no issues of trust and didn't see it as being an issue, and to top it off my wife is 24 and he is 53.
Nothing happened but expressed that she really enjoyed golf and would want to give it another go, I was encouraging her to pursue whatever she enjoyed. She went again and he started confessing all his marital problems. He then confessed in the following days his feelings towards her, she didn't say anything at the time but did a few days later. He convinced her to stay late after work which they eventually kissed, but immediately after came home to me and had a breakdown, saying we were too young to get married and that she didn't know if she ever wants to be married. I gave her the cold shoulder at that point as I was hurt. She didn't confess to kissing him until the end of the following week at which point she went back to stay with her parents to clear her head. She later confessed that in that week prior to going to her parents she had kissed him again and again and even gave him oral sex, she stands by she wasn't comfortable with doing that but that he was persisting on having sex and saw it as a way to keep him quiet.
My wife has had deep lows throughout her life since her dad died when she was 7, it only became apparent that depression might have been the issue looking back and that if we addressed it this wouldn't have happened. This OM told her everything she wanted to hear, promised her this fantasy world that in her state she believed was possible. This affair last 3 weeks in total with 2 weeks of the kissing and oral sex once, she has done everything all these forums say, complete transparency, passwords, checking in and everything physically possible, she is constantly having panic attack worried about my decision to leave. I have a high moral code (something I truly believe she shared but was so confused that she lost it) and before this I would have said kissing another man would be an ender, but it's not that simple now I'm actually in this position but at this moment I can barely look at her. How can I trust her? how can I truly forgive her? Was she really so lost and low or is she just using that to justify her actions ( she accepts full responsibility and will do anything but does keep saying that I know her and I also know how much she was struggling at the time this all happened)
Sorry for the really long post!
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