The past is such a pain.

I know this is a site for people who are already married but I've been dating my boyfriend now for nine months and have every intention of marrying him. I'm 20 in a couple of months and he is 21 in September. I met him the summer before my 8th grade year, which was the summer before his Freshman year. I have had feelings for him since the day I met him, and he had feelings for me as well. For some reason we never really acted on those feelings. Which was mainly because I was always in long what I considered serious relationships at the time. If i was hurting or feeling upset about anything no matter what he was always there for me, and I for him. My senior year I slept with him at a party,which I was not very proud of but I felt comfortable with him. Knowing him for so long obviously I knew quiet a bit about him. I've always known that the # of women he had slept with was pretty high, but I don't think i really let myself think about it because at the tim e we weren't dating and it wasn't my place to ask questions or put in my opinion. While my feelings grew stronger and stronger it felt like more of a struggle to get him to have much to do with me unless it was on his time which was usually late at night.. I felt myself getting hurt because I slowly started to realize that the feelings I've always had for him were only getting stronger. At the time i didn't realize that I was just another girl he was sleeping with. I finally had enough of the games and of the hurt so I told him that I couldn't just be another girl to him, that I deserved better, and I left the situation. With it being my first semester of college like most I was pretty wild and constantly went out to drink with friends. One night I just so happened to push my luck a little too far and got arrested for a DWI. The officer asked me to call someone in the town that I was in (where we both live) and he was the first and only person to come to mind, even though we hadn't talked in awhile. I was beyond upset and very frantic. After spending about 8 hours in the drunk tank I texted him and apologized for bothering him and thanked for helping me out. He then asked me if i wanted to go have dinner that night and get out of my apartment because he didn't want me to beat myself up anymore than I already had. After a few weeks of spending time together outside of the bedroom he told me that he never really knew how much i meant to him until I called him that night and he couldn't do anything to make me feel or the situation any better. We started dating and I'm still crazy about him but looking back now at how he treated me and running into just a few of the girls he has slept with in the past it's really starting to weigh on me. I've definitely made my own share of mistakes, and I will never deny that. But in a heated discussion I trying to be a smartass said "I bet you don't even know how many girls you've slept with." He admitted that he would have to guess a # if I were to ask (I didn't). I'm just really struggling to come to terms with this. He is amazing to me and treats me like I deserve to be treated, and is a complete different person from the person he used to be. I know that I should only focus on the here and the now but it's been rough lately.

So sorry for the novel but I had to get it al out! Would love to hear if anyone else is dealing with any situations like this or has any advice. Thank y'all.

Put the internet to work for you.

Turn off or edit this Recipe