Many people here(even some mods) have bemoaned what they describe as an overly harsh or abusive tone towards current and former wayward spouses(specifically women). I don't doubt that this does happen from time to time. Granted I don't believe it happens as frequently as some claim it does, although perhaps by the time I read the threads on CWI the mods have already brought in their hazmat crews.:) The fact is some argue that posters are being run off by betrayed spouses or others being too vicious to wayward spouses and that this place needs to be more "open" to them.
Now to be completely frank, I must confess that oftentimes when I hear this point made the first thing that pops into my mind is the OM/OW forums on another message board I'll just call "LS" since I'm not certain if I'm allowed to mention a "rival" forum here. For those who have never been there, that place is best described as a "moral black hole" IMO. It's a sub forum where people give each other tips about how to hide affairs from their spouses and how there isn't anything wrong with what they're doing to the person they have pledged their hearts and lives before GOD and their families to. In the rare case where they do acknowledge the wrongness of the affair there is generally a plethora of blame shifting that seems to go pretty much unchallenged over there.:(
Just as an example of the overall environment there, not even just that particular sub forum but even simply reading any given thread having to do with betrayal at all is like walking through a portal into "opposite world".:scratchhead: I've seen multiple threads where a spouse(usually the husband) went into the marriage believing they were both virgins and later found out their wife was lying to them all along and has had several partners and in some cases even pornos made with previous partners. And yet somehow beyond comprehension, the victim of this treachery is the one tarred and feathered and labeled unforgiving and judgmental for not sitting back and taking their spouse's years of lies and deceptions with a coke and a smile.:rolleyes: This type of "black is white" moral relativism repulses me.
I think that might be close to what many people here imagine in their heads what is actually being requested for CWI when the topic is brought up. A place where nobody is ever called out for their blame shifting and deceptive ways(no 2x4's allowed) and everybody just kind of doing the "live and let live" thing. However having interacted with some of you who are in the wayward "camp" and believing that many of you here are earnestly remorseful and would likely not want that type of environment here any more than what is already the norm. (Throwing the baby out with the bathwater comes to mind.) I thought maybe some of you could possibly describe in greater detail what it is you envision could be done to make this site more "accepting" without being "excusing" if that makes any sense.:)
Now to be completely frank, I must confess that oftentimes when I hear this point made the first thing that pops into my mind is the OM/OW forums on another message board I'll just call "LS" since I'm not certain if I'm allowed to mention a "rival" forum here. For those who have never been there, that place is best described as a "moral black hole" IMO. It's a sub forum where people give each other tips about how to hide affairs from their spouses and how there isn't anything wrong with what they're doing to the person they have pledged their hearts and lives before GOD and their families to. In the rare case where they do acknowledge the wrongness of the affair there is generally a plethora of blame shifting that seems to go pretty much unchallenged over there.:(
Just as an example of the overall environment there, not even just that particular sub forum but even simply reading any given thread having to do with betrayal at all is like walking through a portal into "opposite world".:scratchhead: I've seen multiple threads where a spouse(usually the husband) went into the marriage believing they were both virgins and later found out their wife was lying to them all along and has had several partners and in some cases even pornos made with previous partners. And yet somehow beyond comprehension, the victim of this treachery is the one tarred and feathered and labeled unforgiving and judgmental for not sitting back and taking their spouse's years of lies and deceptions with a coke and a smile.:rolleyes: This type of "black is white" moral relativism repulses me.
I think that might be close to what many people here imagine in their heads what is actually being requested for CWI when the topic is brought up. A place where nobody is ever called out for their blame shifting and deceptive ways(no 2x4's allowed) and everybody just kind of doing the "live and let live" thing. However having interacted with some of you who are in the wayward "camp" and believing that many of you here are earnestly remorseful and would likely not want that type of environment here any more than what is already the norm. (Throwing the baby out with the bathwater comes to mind.) I thought maybe some of you could possibly describe in greater detail what it is you envision could be done to make this site more "accepting" without being "excusing" if that makes any sense.:)
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