How do I start this? I have no idea. I suppose first I will say that I am 26, gay, and married to my husband, age 22, for the last 4 years. I am not interested in hearing about how my marriage and lifestyle is an abomination so if that's what you're about to spout off, just save your breath...What I am interested in is advice.
I met my husband in college, we were both young, we were both looking for that one person we could connect with, be with, and know that we had found happiness. After a very short amount of time, one month to be exact, We were engaged, eloped and married. The first year, as is warned by many couples, was one of the hardest, but we stuck it out. The second year got a bit better, but the arguments were still quite frequent. By the third year we weren't coming to verbal blows as often but they weren't a thing of the past for sure. Now 4 years have gone by, and I love my husband, but I feel like our marriage is just on more and more of a downward spiral.
My husband has anger issues. He has hit me in the past, but only during the first year and a half of our marriage. I forgave him, he learned to control his temper to an extent, but not entirely. I spend most of my days feeling isolated, and asking myself "Why did I get married? I did it to feel like I was safe secure, loved and protected... Have I ever felt that? Yes...but nowhere near every day, and nowhere near often enough." I try to talk to him about things, and he gives me unimaginable attitude, usually unprovoked, except talking to him, and bites my head off. It gets to the point where I barely talk to him about anything of any importance, because I don't want to deal with the emotions that will come from being shouted and bitten at.
I have begged him to try to think of my feelings before he speaks, and try to realize that by biting at me and speaking to me that way, it's not going to get him anywhere because I can't talk to him that way. I can't deal with the stress of those types of conversations. But it doesn't ever matter. At this point my question is, What do you do, when conversation solves nothing, and there is just no more... fight left. I always said if I found something I would fight for it...but If it is making me miserable, and causing so much trouble... is it worth fighting for?
I hope someone out there can give me some advice about this...cause I am getting to the end of my rope. I don't want to leave him over a lack of communication, which seems like something so...fixable...but I don't think I can spend the next 5 or 10 years feeling like what I say doesn't matter, and that my feelings aren't important enough to consider before speaking.
I met my husband in college, we were both young, we were both looking for that one person we could connect with, be with, and know that we had found happiness. After a very short amount of time, one month to be exact, We were engaged, eloped and married. The first year, as is warned by many couples, was one of the hardest, but we stuck it out. The second year got a bit better, but the arguments were still quite frequent. By the third year we weren't coming to verbal blows as often but they weren't a thing of the past for sure. Now 4 years have gone by, and I love my husband, but I feel like our marriage is just on more and more of a downward spiral.
My husband has anger issues. He has hit me in the past, but only during the first year and a half of our marriage. I forgave him, he learned to control his temper to an extent, but not entirely. I spend most of my days feeling isolated, and asking myself "Why did I get married? I did it to feel like I was safe secure, loved and protected... Have I ever felt that? Yes...but nowhere near every day, and nowhere near often enough." I try to talk to him about things, and he gives me unimaginable attitude, usually unprovoked, except talking to him, and bites my head off. It gets to the point where I barely talk to him about anything of any importance, because I don't want to deal with the emotions that will come from being shouted and bitten at.
I have begged him to try to think of my feelings before he speaks, and try to realize that by biting at me and speaking to me that way, it's not going to get him anywhere because I can't talk to him that way. I can't deal with the stress of those types of conversations. But it doesn't ever matter. At this point my question is, What do you do, when conversation solves nothing, and there is just no more... fight left. I always said if I found something I would fight for it...but If it is making me miserable, and causing so much trouble... is it worth fighting for?
I hope someone out there can give me some advice about this...cause I am getting to the end of my rope. I don't want to leave him over a lack of communication, which seems like something so...fixable...but I don't think I can spend the next 5 or 10 years feeling like what I say doesn't matter, and that my feelings aren't important enough to consider before speaking.
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