I am seeing a perspective that I have not yet seen about my problem from that of those with BPD on this and other sites.
After the fact, I have come to see that my ex fiance was likely BDP by the research that I have done. ESPECIALLY by virtue of the way that she had broke up: while I was away on a business trip, and via text. There was no hint of anything wrong; it came entirely from out of the blue. We had a great relationship (I thought) and there was never any arguments or episodes to speak of. She had JUST moved into my house three weeks prior and we were in the process of planning our wedding.
She sent a text while I was in a business meeting stating out of town that our relationship was over...that she moved out...and that I should never attempt to contact her. She blocked me from calling or texting her (and her son). She Unfreinded and blocked me on social media, sucessfully compelled her friends to do so and unfriended all of our joint friends.
I called various family and friends that day as any normal person would do to try get to the bottom of things and this effort was greeted with a text that threatened to call the cops if I tried again. I gave her space for a couple of weeks and sent her an email from a little used account that she didn't know about to block, 'Lets talk, we are better than this'. This was responded to by a letter from an attorney friend threatening a restraining order against me.
I sent a letter a few weeks back and it was returned to me unopened and refused (progress I thought as there was no summons that followed!!). This has been devastating for me since I believe her to be a quality person and I was very much looking forward to a life with this person - it was two great years for me. She had done this in the past but not nearly in the 'scorched earth' capacity that she did this time. It has caused a great deal of confusion and pain form myself and my daughter.
My research identified her as an ACOA (adult child of alcoholic) but i eventually came across information regarding BPD and it seems like she might be described this way, at least as a 'waif' variety ESPECIALLY by virtue of the manner in which she broke up (do BPD's all do it this way??).
Although when she has done this in the past, she has always returned, every so slowly and usually in a very predictable manner. This time, given how much time has elapsed since the episode, I have had little hope or signs that there was any possibility of salvation for this relationship or interest on her part (although her father tells me that she is currently seeing a therapist which I felt was a positive step for her). She has gone through great effort to distance herself from me and make contact almost impossible (she left no address either). But when I came across this site and read many of the associated forums my perspective and understanding of the episode changed a bit.
Can any BP folks frame this into their perspective for me? Is it your opinion that she actually WANTS me to give up chase as many BP's have remarked? That having honored her boundaries and not contacted her that she might be feeling that I have already abandoned her just as she had feared in the first place? Tell me if even it is only speculation: what is going on whit her? Is she also devastated OR, having painted me black, does she have as much regard for me and memory as something she just threw into the trash?
I appreciate any and all advice and thoughts.....
After the fact, I have come to see that my ex fiance was likely BDP by the research that I have done. ESPECIALLY by virtue of the way that she had broke up: while I was away on a business trip, and via text. There was no hint of anything wrong; it came entirely from out of the blue. We had a great relationship (I thought) and there was never any arguments or episodes to speak of. She had JUST moved into my house three weeks prior and we were in the process of planning our wedding.
She sent a text while I was in a business meeting stating out of town that our relationship was over...that she moved out...and that I should never attempt to contact her. She blocked me from calling or texting her (and her son). She Unfreinded and blocked me on social media, sucessfully compelled her friends to do so and unfriended all of our joint friends.
I called various family and friends that day as any normal person would do to try get to the bottom of things and this effort was greeted with a text that threatened to call the cops if I tried again. I gave her space for a couple of weeks and sent her an email from a little used account that she didn't know about to block, 'Lets talk, we are better than this'. This was responded to by a letter from an attorney friend threatening a restraining order against me.
I sent a letter a few weeks back and it was returned to me unopened and refused (progress I thought as there was no summons that followed!!). This has been devastating for me since I believe her to be a quality person and I was very much looking forward to a life with this person - it was two great years for me. She had done this in the past but not nearly in the 'scorched earth' capacity that she did this time. It has caused a great deal of confusion and pain form myself and my daughter.
My research identified her as an ACOA (adult child of alcoholic) but i eventually came across information regarding BPD and it seems like she might be described this way, at least as a 'waif' variety ESPECIALLY by virtue of the manner in which she broke up (do BPD's all do it this way??).
Although when she has done this in the past, she has always returned, every so slowly and usually in a very predictable manner. This time, given how much time has elapsed since the episode, I have had little hope or signs that there was any possibility of salvation for this relationship or interest on her part (although her father tells me that she is currently seeing a therapist which I felt was a positive step for her). She has gone through great effort to distance herself from me and make contact almost impossible (she left no address either). But when I came across this site and read many of the associated forums my perspective and understanding of the episode changed a bit.
Can any BP folks frame this into their perspective for me? Is it your opinion that she actually WANTS me to give up chase as many BP's have remarked? That having honored her boundaries and not contacted her that she might be feeling that I have already abandoned her just as she had feared in the first place? Tell me if even it is only speculation: what is going on whit her? Is she also devastated OR, having painted me black, does she have as much regard for me and memory as something she just threw into the trash?
I appreciate any and all advice and thoughts.....
Put the internet to work for you.
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