My boyfriend of 6 months flew out to Australia a few days ago and, as I knew he was bull****ting when he told me he wasn't gonna "do anything" (that is, sleep around), I logged into his Facebook and saw that he was planning to have sex with tons and tons of girls there. The friend he went out to see asked him if he was single, and he said "no, but yes". They then went on to discuss all sorts of stuff - some lines from that chat will probably haunt me for a long while. "Mate you will definitely get laid, I'm gonna have a big party so you can meet everyone, the girls here are so hot", "can I get two at the same time?", etc.
Anyway, I completely broke down and sent him about 20 messages asking him why the hell he didn't just tell me he wanted to see other people (as I've tried to break up with him at least 3 times before, or to suggest an open relationship / just casual sex, but each time he told me no, that he wanted to be with me). He came back with "well, I've been planning this holiday for ages, and I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be upset" - which I find moronic as I've told him lots of times that I'd be happy with something more casual, not a relationship.
The thing is, this has happened before. I've never EVER had the urge to check the Facebook of someone I was seeing before, but I knew something was up, and this is why I've looked at it twice before. The first time he was trying to get a male escort for a night*, the second he was going to meet up with some girl in a field. Both times I've confronted him about it and he just kind of shrugged it off, apologised, said he gets into 'moods' sometimes but never actually does it. I tried to break up with him on both of those occasions and once more afterward (because I was generally fed up with him), but each time he just tells me no, that he loves me, and eventually I cave in because - shallow as this is - I find him gorgeous and the sexual chemistry is 10/10.
Before all this, I'd never say that I had 'trust issues', but by God, now I do. He's in Australia until January 1st/2nd and I didn't think I cared that deeply about him but, God, this has turned me into a blubbering mess. He's not replying to anything I send him, and when he does, it's ruefully unsatisfactory - "idgi why on earth did you tell me you 'love' me and then go off and do this? I'm so confused", reply: "cuz I do". "So why didn't you just tell me you'd be happy to just see each other casually every now again, like I've asked you millions of times?", reply: "I knew you'd be upset, and I've been planning this for ages, I haven't slept with anyone in England, it's just this once".
I've checked his Facebook again and he's already messaged his best friend with "the girls are HOT here, no fatties, I got laid already". At the same time he messaged me one line: "of course, I told you you weren't going to" (in reference to one of my earlier super over-emotional messages where I said something like "god you just make me want to jump off a bridge").
I just think this is ridiculous because only a week before he left he was saying how he wants me to move in with him, how he loves me, how he wants to double-barrel our name together (!), and so on. He's taken me to meet his parents and his grandparents and I've stayed with him for a week and it's all just so ridiculous.
I feel like trash and I don't understand anything. I've tested myself for all STIs except HIV and I'm clean, thank God, but on the practical side I think that's all I can do right now. I've talked to my friends and they told me that he sounds like scum, I've talked to my dad and he said he sounds like "a common 20-year old idiot". What should I do from this point forward? I'll need to go over to his house to pick up some shirts I left there, but I don't know if he'll even let me in. I'm scared of him being angry at me over my hysterical outburst after I found out he'd been lying to me. I don't really have any high hopes of talking to him properly while he's there. I can't sleep right, I can't eat right, all I've got in my head is images of him ****ing endless people on New Year's Eve. I feel sick.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment