Was just reading through the never/always thread and it reminded me I've been failing a lot in the way I communicate lately.
Nothing I say is getting through so maybe some help and examples of different things to try will work.
The main points I want to get across
1. The relationship is NOT good. I am not happy and do not feel loved.
2. He has 2 choices: drastic change now or leave now. Since he has said and shown that the first is not possible, he needs to go.
I have asked him directly and he would say
1. The relationship is fine, could use some tweaking here and there like they all do but he's happy and loved.
2. He needs to improve a few things a bit but due to his upbringing it is a challenge for him and I should be patient and understanding and accept that some things can not change and deal with that.
We are at a point where I rate things as a 1 or 2 and he has them at a 7 or 8.
If I say "I am not happy with our relationship and I need X, Y and Z to change or it's over"
He'll say something like "well, stop feeling like that. I'll do X more. Don't worry so much, things are fine."
:mad:
Or if I've spent the night communicating and he's explained his "this is how I am and any change is going to take time", I then explain "I have none left to give" and I feel that he understands that I'm done and it's over, the next day it will go like this
*looking through kijiji in morning* "we should get a camper for next summer"
Every day I have to say the same things over and over. He's still trying to make plans, still trying to kiss me in the kitchen, still saying how much he loves me.
Anything serious I try to say gets met with the emotional equivalent of him patting me on the head and saying "awwww, sweetie. You'll feel better in the morning"
So, what are some actual words and phrases I can use for him to take me seriously?
Nothing I say is getting through so maybe some help and examples of different things to try will work.
The main points I want to get across
1. The relationship is NOT good. I am not happy and do not feel loved.
2. He has 2 choices: drastic change now or leave now. Since he has said and shown that the first is not possible, he needs to go.
I have asked him directly and he would say
1. The relationship is fine, could use some tweaking here and there like they all do but he's happy and loved.
2. He needs to improve a few things a bit but due to his upbringing it is a challenge for him and I should be patient and understanding and accept that some things can not change and deal with that.
We are at a point where I rate things as a 1 or 2 and he has them at a 7 or 8.
If I say "I am not happy with our relationship and I need X, Y and Z to change or it's over"
He'll say something like "well, stop feeling like that. I'll do X more. Don't worry so much, things are fine."
:mad:
Or if I've spent the night communicating and he's explained his "this is how I am and any change is going to take time", I then explain "I have none left to give" and I feel that he understands that I'm done and it's over, the next day it will go like this
*looking through kijiji in morning* "we should get a camper for next summer"
Every day I have to say the same things over and over. He's still trying to make plans, still trying to kiss me in the kitchen, still saying how much he loves me.
Anything serious I try to say gets met with the emotional equivalent of him patting me on the head and saying "awwww, sweetie. You'll feel better in the morning"
So, what are some actual words and phrases I can use for him to take me seriously?
Put the internet to work for you.
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