I just started sixth form and while I am okay at keeping up the appearance of being 'alright', I sure don't feel that way. It's easy to forget the emptiness and the feeling that there's just a massive blank ahead of me when I am at school because it's a frenzy of people, work and movement. I can't help but automatically adjust to this and become louder, more bubbly, social and I appear as a strong character (which I guess I am). But then, from time to time I just want to get away from the people and my friends; it's practically impossible to be by myself there. My friends think I am normal; they think I feel nervous around new people, new situations etc. In reality, my expressions and language don't always reflect what's in my head. Sometimes I just feel blank but I feign anxiousness or happiness. The one thing that gets me worked up is this boy who keeps coming onto me and I just feel desperate to get away from him whenever there is the chance of being paired tog ether for experiments. The anxiety then is overwhelming.
Then I get home and it just comes crashing down. I am empty, hopeless, angry. My mum and dad don't notice it. I try to organise my work but it seems there is an endless amount to organise when in fact I probably am creating the illusion there is a lot to organise and I can barely get started on the actual questions and essays.
In addition to this, I keep losing things. I try to keep everything together but I already lost my work planner and a workbook. I don't know why this is happening. I have been called pretty, attractive, some of the boys have blatantly checked me out but I don't feel attractive. I don't feel happy when I see them looking; I don't understand what they see
Put the internet to work for you.
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